IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

•In many countries small shops and town centres are going out of business, because people tend to drive to the large out-of-town stores. This results in an increase in car use, and it also means that people without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores. Do you think advantages of such development outweigh its disadvantages?

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Nowadays in numerous countries over the
globe
Add a comma
globe,
show examples
 small retail
stores
Use synonyms
 and town centres are winding up their business
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 go to large
stores
Use synonyms
 for shopping.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, there is a significant surge in the automobile business
specificlly
Correct your spelling
specifically
 for cars.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 not have cars will not have proper access to
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
 at large
stores
Use synonyms
. The merits
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the demerits of
this
Linking Words
 development. I will shed some light on
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, the main advantages are that
people
Use synonyms
 living in town and in
Correct article usage
the outskrits
show examples
outskrits
Correct your spelling
outskirts
 of a city
are tending
Wrong verb form
tend
show examples
 to go out
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of the hype of the large retail chain
stores
Use synonyms
.
Major
Add an article
The major
A major
show examples
 reason is that buying in bulk quantity, so
people
Use synonyms
 great discounts.
People
Use synonyms
 go out
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
shopping, from
supermarket
Add a comma
supermarket,
show examples
 customers buy
products
Use synonyms
 in advance for a year of
house hold
Correct your spelling
household
show examples
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, the D-Mart is a supply chain store in India.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to go from towns and purchase all the
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of
products
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 place with
such
Linking Words
 discounted
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 effect on local shopkeepers and
this
Linking Words
 dramatic change in
sell
Add an article
the sell
show examples
 of
products
Use synonyms
.
Individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
Individual
show examples
 shopes have to shut down
the
Change the word
their
show examples
stores
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are driving
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 far for shopping
also
Linking Words
 they get time with family so
people
Use synonyms
 are not buying from
local
Add an article
the local
a local
show examples
 market.
Although
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
directly
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
show examples
 on car
sell
Replace the word
sales
show examples
.
Considerablly
Correct your spelling
Considerably
, every family needs
mimimum
Correct your spelling
minimum
one
Use synonyms
 car.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
 not have
car
Add an article
a car
show examples
 can not travel frequently and visit
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
large
stores
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 in India tend to
travl
Correct your spelling
travel
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
 which is easily
accesable
Correct your spelling
accessible
 to all
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
. In Conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 are going to
outskirts
Correct article usage
the outskirts
show examples
for shopping
Change preposition
to shop
show examples
 at large
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 good quality
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 bulk
quantity
Fix the agreement mistake
quantities
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discounted
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, get all the
products
Use synonyms
 under
one
Use synonyms
 roof.
This
Linking Words
devlopment outweight
Correct your spelling
development outweighs
 the disadvantages and
people
Use synonyms
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
 not have cars can travel
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
.
Though
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, some
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
get
Verb problem
are
show examples
 closed because of
this
Linking Words
 change.

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What works well

2
Task Achievement

The essay clearly outlines both advantages and disadvantages regarding the closure of small shops and the rise of large stores.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction effectively sets up the discussion and states a viewpoint clearly.

Improvement Suggestions

3
Task Achievement

Improve spelling and grammatical accuracy, particularly with words like 'people', 'outskirts', and 'outweigh'.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence.

Task Achievement

Provide more relevant examples to support your points clearly, particularly in how the changes impact society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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