IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In
this
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 cutting-edge era, it has become extremely easy for teenagers to get their own personal devices, including androids and other types of
smartphone
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smartphones
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.
However
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, they tend to allocate hours per day on their gadget and
this
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 may lead to both
possitive
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positive
 and negative impacts.
To begin
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 with, it is necessary for young generations , particularly students to get access to technological tools as the support for their learning process.
This
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 is because they can find
out
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apply
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materials and other learning resources from their devices.
For
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this
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 reason, it is reasonable if
children
Use synonyms
 spend their time on the screens.
Furthermore
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, teens
also
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 need to broaden their knowledge and using
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 from gadgets can support them. In
this
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 case, they can gain a lot of
informations
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information
pieces of information
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 about the development in
this
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 world through their androids. It is undoubtedly that, accessing
up-to date
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up-to-date
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 news from all over the world might help young people to broaden their
knowlede
Correct your spelling
knowledge
. Having said that, there are
also
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 some crucial aspects that
are
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apply
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need to be considered before allowing
children
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 to operate their smartphones freely.
Firstly
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,
in
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at
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 a certain moment,
children
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 might be exposed to unethical videos or pictures on their social media platforms.
This
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 could lead to negative attitudes that they might implement in their daily lives.
Therefore
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, it is totally essential to supervise them
while
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 playing and scrolling down social media from their devices.
Secondly
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, spending hours on the screen can lead to eye
desease
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disease
.
This
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 is because of the blue-ray radiation that comes from the screen. Owing to that, it is
prominent
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important
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 to set a limitation for
children
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 in terms of their screening time. All in all, spending many hours in front of gadgets might bring both advantages and disadvantages. The advantages are related to the ease for
children
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 in accessing
a particular information
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particular information
a piece of particular information
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 and studying materials via smartphones.
Nevertheless
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, it is necessary to ensure that there are proper
supervisions
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supervision
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as well as
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 time limits for
children
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 in using their phones.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next. This will improve the overall structure of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
grammar and vocabulary
Review your grammar and vocabulary for minor errors. For example, 'positive' is misspelled as 'possitive', and 'knowlede' should be 'knowledge'. These small inaccuracies can impact clarity.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view of the topic, discussing both the positive and negative aspects of smartphone use among children.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the issues related to technology and education, which is relevant to the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
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