IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that it is the government's responsibility to transport children to school while others believe that parents should do that. Discuss both views and give your opinion

In recent years, the problem of who should be responsible for transporting students
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 become a debate.
While
Linking Words
 some suggest that it is
Correct article usage
the governments’
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governments’
Change noun form
government’s
show examples
 obligation to deliver
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 to
school
Use synonyms
, some argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 should
bare
Verb problem
bear
show examples
 the duty. I agree that
this
Linking Words
reponsibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 should lie on authorities to ensure educational equity. On the one hand, critics may contend that
parents
Use synonyms
 should take
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 for sending their
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
 because it reinforces
family’s
Correct article usage
the family’s
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involvment
Correct your spelling
involvement
 in
children
Use synonyms
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. To be specific, by taking their
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can not only ensure that
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
Use synonyms
 are safe
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the whole journey but they can
also
Linking Words
 gain sufficient
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 to accompany
thier
Correct your spelling
their
children
Use synonyms
, which is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
key for the young generation’s
overall
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 development.
For example
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, during
the
Correct article usage
apply
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commuting hours,
children
Use synonyms
 can share their life in
school
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 can provide mental guidance. Eventually,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
in-depth communication benefits
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
parents
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
children’s
Unnecessary verb
children
show examples
 by
stregthening
Correct your spelling
strengthening
 family bonds and increasing cohesion.
On the other hand
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, the responsibility should be on governments to ensure educational facilities are accessible to every child. Notably, some
children
Use synonyms
 from vulnerable groups do not have reliable means of transportation;
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, it is
resonable
Correct your spelling
reasonable
 for governments to
interevene
Correct your spelling
intervene
.
For example
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, some
children
Use synonyms
 from rural areas or
underpriviledged
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
 backgrounds in Japan can enjoy a well-organized
delivering
Replace the word
delivery
show examples
 service;
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
, these
children
Use synonyms
 can
also
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 enjoy an appropriate educational system like others do. Ultimately,
this
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 strategy
fulfill
Change the verb form
fulfills
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national
Correct article usage
the national
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 prospect of educational equality and
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 regional disparity. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some contend that it is rational for
parents
Use synonyms
transport
Add the particle
to transport
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 to
school
Use synonyms
, I believe that the concept overlooked those vulnerable populations. It is necessary for governments
ensure
Add the particle
to ensure
show examples
every one
Replace the word
everyone
show examples
receive
Change the verb form
receives
show examples
 access
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 schooling.

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grammar
Ensure accurate grammar and spelling to avoid distracting errors and improve clarity.
structure
Clarify your main argument in the introduction to make your stance more evident at first.
examples
Expand upon your ideas and provide more specific examples to enhance the strength of your arguments.
content
You provided a balanced discussion of both views, which shows good engagement with the topic.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, facilitating readability.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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