Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opin

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Nowadays, It is
undeniable
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an undeniable
the undeniable
show examples
fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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some
sports
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professionals have a very good package as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to other fields.
While
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a handful of citizens believe that it is totally understandable, because they
work
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hard, others think that it is unfair. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both
the
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apply
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views, and
as per
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in
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my opinion, I am in favour of
former
Add an article
the former
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statement.
To begin
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with, there are many reasons to support the high earning
sportsmans
Correct your spelling
sportsmen
show examples
. The predominant one is hard
work
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towards their field. To elaborate, achieving heights in
sports
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require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
a lot of hard
work
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,
such
Linking Words
as daily workout sessions, practice, planning and plotting etc.
In addition
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,
sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
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often travel for various tournaments from one place to another, away from family members and friends.
Also
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, they
are need
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need
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to maintain discipline towards their sleeping habits and healthy diet, which is very difficult.
For example
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, In a survey conducted by
Times
Correct article usage
the Times
show examples
of Hindustan, It was found
out
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apply
show examples
, that 80% of
sportsperson
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sportspersons
show examples
eat boiled food in their daily life.
Thus
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, If a skilled sportsperson
earning
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earns
show examples
more money as
compare
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compared
show examples
to others, they
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
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that.
On the other hand
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, Many people believe that other professions should provide great packages as well. There are many other job professions
such
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as
teahers
Correct your spelling
teachers
, healthcare workers, public transporters etc. These sectors were often
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
ignored by public officials to provide more funds.
For instance
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, In a survey taken by Canadian Times 70% of
teachers
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teachers'
teacher's
show examples
money is equal to 10% of
sports
Use synonyms
people.
Hence
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, it is proved that
Use synonyms
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
show examples
field is earning more as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to other professions.
To conclude
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, It is truly justified that
, Income
Correct your spelling
the income
of
sports
Use synonyms
professionals is far more than other people working in different jobs, But considering the efforts and hard
work
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, they sacrifice a lot of things as well for their task, so they
are deserving
Wrong verb form
deserve
show examples
to get more money.

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task achievement
While you've covered both views effectively, aim to elaborate more on the arguments. Include specific examples or case studies to strengthen your points.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could be clearer if restructured. For instance, avoid unnecessary complexity and ensure each sentence directly contributes to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Remember to check for grammatical accuracy, especially with subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, to improve clarity and professionalism in your writing.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion in the introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a strong essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, separating views into distinct paragraphs which helps with overall coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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