IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Several individuals think that we should get
along with
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 the problems that face us in our lives as getting
Correct article usage
an unsatisfine
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unsatisfine
Correct your spelling
unsatisfying
unsatisfied
postion
Correct your spelling
position
 or lack of money.
While
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 there are other
people
Use synonyms
 who refuse
this
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 concept and see that we have to find solutions to
enhence
Correct your spelling
enforce
 these deterrents. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 both notions are right but we should
occered
Correct your spelling
occurred
wistly
Correct your spelling
wisely
 to reach the best.
First
Change the article
The first
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 view
say
Change the verb form
says
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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bad circumstances usually happen.
Consequently
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, we should deal with them quietly and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not try to change
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
 even if we can. To be honest, there are some issues we cannot solve because
them
Change the pronoun
their
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 causes
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 not in our control. So, we might give up just to get
comfortable
Correct article usage
a comfortable
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 life.
For example
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,
before
Change preposition
apply
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five years, I
was want
Wrong verb form
wanted
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 to enroll in a
sepcific universty
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specific university
 but it
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 far from my home
this
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 situation made me think that
i
Change the capitalization
I
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cannot
Wrong verb form
could not
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 complete my life
in
Change preposition
at
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 that time but
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 dealt with
this
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 wistly by accepting the issue. There are
other set
Change the wording
another set
other sets
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 of
people
Use synonyms
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
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 different
think
Replace the word
thoughts
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, they see that if any human
faced
Wrong verb form
faces
show examples
 any wrong thing they should to try fix it.
For instance
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, seeking a better job if the problem was employment problem.
Orginally
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Originally
,
people
Use synonyms
 came to the world
for
Change preposition
to
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 seek and try, giving up is not
option
Correct article usage
an option
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. If
person
Add an article
a person
the person
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got
Wrong verb form
gets
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 a cheap sale they must think
in
Change preposition
of
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 other money resources
that
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 not
imposiple
Correct your spelling
important
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are big percentage of rich
people
Use synonyms
 start
by
Change preposition
with
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 a
difficalt
Correct your spelling
difficult
 motivation.
Ulitmately
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Ultimately
, the two views
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 right, it depends on how far can we intervene.
However
Linking Words
, I tend to the second notion, because it is more positive and gives us the passion that we need to pursue developing.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction could be clearer by explicitly outlining the two perspectives before stating your opinion. This helps the reader understand what to expect in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
In your body paragraphs, make sure to connect your ideas more fluently. You can use linking phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to help the reader follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Try to expand on your ideas with more detailed examples or explanations to strengthen your arguments. This would enhance the clarity and depth of your ideas.
Task Achievement
Be careful with spelling and grammar. For instance, 'unsatisfine' should be 'unsatisfactory,' and 'wistly' should be 'wisely.' Proofreading your work can help catch these errors.
Task Achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on accepting or improving bad situations, which is a key requirement of the task.
Task Achievement
You provide a personal example that adds a meaningful touch to your argument, making it relatable and relevant.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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