IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some individuals argue that educating children at home is the most effective method, whereas others believe that traditional schools provide greater benefits. Discuss both perspectives and express your own opinion.

Many people agree that
home schooling
Add a hyphen
home-schooling
show examples
 children is a better way to educate them
whereas
Linking Words
 the other segment of people think going to an institution and getting
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 traditionally is still the ideal method. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opinions are equally objective and depending on the
child
Use synonyms
's
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
, parents can continue to choose one of the choices. After elaborating on both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perspectives, personal thoughts would be given
at the end
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 of the essay.  To homeschool a
child
Use synonyms
, three very important things needed are right resources, money and parents's surveillance, missing any of the
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
factors might lead to serious damage
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
child
Use synonyms
's
overall
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 development. If all the
criterias
Correct your spelling
criteria
 are met
then
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 the chances are that the
child
Use synonyms
 might become a prodigy.
For instance
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, Sandeep Gupta, the founder of 1% GMAT Club, pursued
long distance
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long-distance
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 schooling after having a traumatic experience when he was in 5th standard. His story is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
living proof of how much a student can achieve when no limits are set in terms of
gradings
Correct your spelling
grades
show examples
 and assignment submissions which traditional
schoolings
Change the noun form
schooling
show examples
 methods rely on. Schools help children to develop a routine and build confidence in
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 all by themselves. The target audience in
this
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 setup is large and
therefore
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 rules have to
made
Add a missing verb
be made
show examples
 in accordance with everyone which often leads to negligence and discouragement. Many people thrive in
this
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 environment,
for
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 Sundar Pichai who is currently the CEO of The Alphabet, completed his schooling
from
Change preposition
at
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 a government institution
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 India and is currently
also
Linking Words
 a public speaker addressing millions around the globe.
Therefore
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,
according to
Linking Words
me
Add a comma
me,
show examples
 a
child
Use synonyms
 should experience a traditional schooling method because it exposes them to being critical thinkers and helps them counter multiple
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 situations that cannot be simulated at home.
To conclude
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, a school environment provides enough cushion for errors and rectification which puts less pressure on the
child
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, a homeschooled student might have a hard time navigating through adulthood later on in life which can lead to
grevious
Correct your spelling
grievous
 problems in future.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing sentences for clarity to enhance your argument. For example, the phrase 'missing any of the one factors might lead to serious damage in the child's overall development' could be more clearly articulated as 'missing any of these factors can negatively impact a child's overall development.'
task achievement
Strengthen your topics by providing more specific examples and connections to the central argument. Currently, the examples provided are interesting but could do more to clearly support your main points. You might also consider including counterarguments to enrich your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and consistency, especially with subject-verb agreement and possessives. For instance, 'parents's surveillance' should be 'parents' surveillance' or 'parental supervision.'
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to vary your vocabulary and sentence structures throughout the essay to enhance readability and engagement. This can help keep the reader's interest and better showcase your language skills.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and shows that both perspectives will be addressed, which is a positive note for clarity and organization.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples from real-life figures, which adds credibility to your points and demonstrates knowledge of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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