IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Crime rates, in most countries, is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. Why do you think that is? What can be done to reduce the crime rate?

In most countries, the
level
Use synonyms
 of
crime
Use synonyms
 is higher
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in cities than in villages.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore the causes of
this
Linking Words
 issue,
such
Linking Words
 as the high
level
Use synonyms
 of poverty and the lack of education and will find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ways, like providing highly-educated tutors and opening new workplaces to combat
this
Linking Words
 problem. First of all, in rural areas, residents cannot find jobs and they turn to offending. To be more specific, sometimes it is hard to meet family needs,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 some individuals think that there is only
way
Correct pronoun usage
one way
show examples
for covering
Change preposition
to cover
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 daily needs; to commit
crime
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Venezuela, the rate of offence is higher than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 countries, and it is considered that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of convicts come from villages
due to
Linking Words
 poverty. Another
causes
Replace the adjective
cause
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 of the high rate of
crime
Use synonyms
 in rural places is the lack of education.
In other words
Linking Words
, children in these areas do not study well, after
being
Verb problem
becoming
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 an
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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, they cannot find work and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 results in committing
offence
Add an article
an offence
the offence
show examples
. There are different methods to overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem. The solution is for the government
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
to provide
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high
level
Use synonyms
 of education. They can modernize schools, increase the number
educated
Change preposition
of educated
show examples
 teachers, and can do some activities to attract students to the schools. At the same time, they should drop the
level
Use synonyms
 of unemployment
with
Change preposition
by
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 opening some factories or other facilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if all these are done, people
do
Verb problem
will
show examples
 not offend and the rate of
crime
Use synonyms
 in rural areas will decrease. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned points into account, I am convinced that
although
Linking Words
 in villages, more people commit crimes
due to
Linking Words
 cover
basing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
needs and not
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 jobs, with the
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
literacy
level
Use synonyms
 and workplaces it is possible to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss. Consider rephrasing for clarity.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear focus and follows logically from the previous one. Use connectors to improve flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and elaboration on your points to strengthen your argument.
content
Your essay addresses the topic and presents a clear viewpoint.
organization
The structure of your essay (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion) is well defined.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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