IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The opinion on whether young
students
Use synonyms
 should be demanded to have
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 until they are at least 18 years old has sparked heated discussion in recent years.
While
Linking Words
 some people argue that
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is unnecessary to some extent, I strongly believe that
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 leads to positive effects
such
Linking Words
 as offering sufficient academic knowledge and opportunities to communicate among peers.
To begin
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 with, there are various academic knowledge which
students
Use synonyms
 should learn before entering into university. If
students
Use synonyms
 have only limited
time
Use synonyms
, the quality of school
education
Use synonyms
 might be exacerbated. Every
Use synonyms
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
 under 18 years old
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 required to decide their future plans before graduation. When they make a decision
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, they have to know basic information about
fields
Correct article usage
the fields
show examples
 where they attempt to proceed.
For example
Linking Words
, when we consider going to a medical school as a future academic pathway, there are multiple modules prerequired
such
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 as
mathmetics
Correct your spelling
mathematics
, physics,
chemical
Replace the word
chemistry
show examples
, and biology. These
students
Use synonyms
 should be highly demanded to dedicate their effort
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 learning them. Given the current situation, educators should provide
students
Use synonyms
 with ample
time
Use synonyms
 and opportunities to achieve their future plans.
Moreover
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, staying in a school for a long period is considerably useful for
students
Use synonyms
 to improve social interaction skills and self-discipline. I believe that schools are not just institutions of studying, but
also
Linking Words
 small societies where we learn
strategy
Fix the agreement mistake
strategies
show examples
 for communicating and cooperating with other people. It encourages
students
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 to be
desciplined
Correct your spelling
disciplined
 and behave
polite
Change the adjective
politely
show examples
 to spend a large amount of
time
Use synonyms
 and overcome various problems with peers. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 might have some negative impacts on
students
Use synonyms
' mental issues, I strongly believe that it is worth
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
introducing to
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system.

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coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could be made clearer by simplifying complex structures. Aim for clarity to express your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to check your grammar and spelling (e.g., 'mathmetics' should be 'mathematics', 'desciplined' should be 'disciplined'). A few minor errors don't affect the overall meaning but can detract from the impression.
coherence and cohesion
You could strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the key points you’ve made in the body, thus reinforcing your overall argument.
task achievement
Your essay presents a strong opinion and your argument is clear and consistent throughout.
task achievement
The examples you provided, especially regarding the medical school pathway, are relevant and strengthen your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental cornerstone
  • literacy and numeracy
  • social inequalities
  • foundation of knowledge
  • social mobility
  • informed and engaged citizenry
  • democratic processes
  • youth crime rates
  • productive activities
  • vocational training
  • workforce
  • stifling individual talent
  • economic contribution
  • stress and mental health issues
  • unsuitable educational system
  • one-size-fits-all approach
  • diverse talents
  • career paths
  • formal academic education
  • financial strains
  • low-income countries
  • improving quality of education
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