IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

the charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
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The bar charts illustrate the number of graduate and postgraduate students in the UK doing for a living without taking full-time
work
Use synonyms
 after leaving university in 2008, divided into four categories; part-time
work
Use synonyms
, voluntary
work
Use synonyms
,
further
Linking Words
 study, and unemployment. The first chart depicts that most of the graduates were keen to take higher education, where 29,665 people chose to do so.
However
Linking Words
, there were 16,235 of them
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were unemployed
while
Linking Words
 17,735 people took
part-time
Add an article
a part-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, only a few of the students, which was 3,500,
opt
Wrong verb form
opted
show examples
 to join voluntary
work
Use synonyms
. The second chart shows that the postgraduate students
also
Linking Words
 had
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the graduates. The highest number of alumni, which was 2,725, continued their education to
Linking Words
further
Add an article
a further
show examples
 degree. Even though there were 2,535 of them having part-time
work
Use synonyms
, there were still many of the postgraduates who did not have
Add an article
a job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
1,625 people.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 345 were appealed to do free-service
work
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, both undergraduate and postgraduate alumni have
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
, where the first largest number prefer to continue their studies, the second one is
applying
Add the preposition
applying for
show examples
 part-time
work
Use synonyms
, the third is being
unemployee
Correct your spelling
unemployed
, and the smallest
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 to
volunteering
Change the verb form
volunteer
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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