IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries younger people are increasingly losing interest in teaching. Why is this happening? What can be done to improve the situation? Give reasons for your answers and include examples from your own experience.

In many countries, fewer young individuals want to become
teachers
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. The essay will discuss
firstly
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, the reason for it and
then
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, the solutions for the improvement.
To begin
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 with, adults mostly do not choose that profession because they will not always be able to get respect in society.
That is
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 to say, in some places, people do not value
teachers
Use synonyms
 as much as they used to,
moreover
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, children may hate or even bully the teacher, thinking that the job is not difficult but no one wants to be seen as the villain.
For example
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, there was an accident in Kazan,Russia in school number 117 with a
17 year old
Add a hyphen
17-year-old
show examples
 boy, called Andrey, who killed his teacher, named Elvira, with a gun because of hating her, even more, he killed the majority of the students who were in the class. The data is
conducted
Verb problem
collected
show examples
 by First Channel.
On the other hand
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, the solution for
this
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 is improved security measures, which are essential to ensuring the safety of both students and
teachers
Use synonyms
 in schools. Installing safety protocols,
such
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 as metal detectors and ID checks, can significantly reduce the risk of weapons or dangerous objects being brought into school.
Furthermore
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, these tools help create an environment where students,
teachers
Use synonyms
 and staff can focus on education without fear of physical harm.
For instance
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, after several situations like that, the Russian government started to create ID cards for every educational institution all over the country to check everyone before getting into the schools. In conclusion, the job of teaching is not really valued and respected as it is.
Hence
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, it is the reason for not being interested in it but there is a significant solution. Having metal detectors and ID checks can create an atmosphere where nobody can be worried about educational life.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to better guide the reader. Consider structuring your ideas more distinctly to improve flow.
task achievement
Make sure your examples convey a clear connection to your argument. While you include a specific example, it could be elaborated further to clearly tie back to your main points and enhance your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Consider expanding your conclusion slightly. A stronger conclusion would summarize your main points more clearly and reinforce your argument effectively.
task achievement
You presented important issues regarding the respect for the teaching profession and the safety concerns that contribute to young people's disinterest in becoming teachers. This shows an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of a specific example from Kazan, Russia, effectively illustrates the severity of the problem. It demonstrates your ability to relate personal examples to global issues, which is commendable.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demanding workload
  • financial incentives
  • prestigious career
  • career advancement
  • educational system
  • outdated curricula
  • negative portrayals
  • public perception
  • stressful profession
  • financial rewards
  • social status
  • job dissatisfaction
  • early career change
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