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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children’s leisure activities must be educational otherwise, they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

Spare
time
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activities
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 are necessary for a child's growth, both mentally and physically.It is believed that
children
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 should enjoy their free
time
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 on
activities
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 which are knowledge-building
otherwise
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, it is considered a complete waste of
time
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. I totally agree with
this
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 statement and I will provide several reasons to support my view. The most compelling reason for holding my view is that , indeed,the younger generation is taught at school all
skills
Correct article usage
the skills
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 that they need for their future
such
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 as science and history
whereas
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 ,other creativities
such
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 as playing an instrument, being a soccer player, and painting are not overlooked in school's curriculum. Regarding these
activities
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 which are highly valuable for personal development, parents should encourage their
children
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 to engage in them during their free
time
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.
Consequently
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,
children
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, who have natural talents in those fields can enhance their skills in their leisure
time
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.
For example
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, Messi when was a child, if Messi's parent had not supported him in playing football in his free
time
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, they might not have become
a
Correct article usage
the
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 most famous player in the world. Another reason for holding my position is that doing some
activities
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is impact
Wrong verb form
impacts
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children
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's behaviour dreadfully. Nowadays,
as a result
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 of growing technology, many games and social media apps
such
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 as
Tiktok
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TikTok
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 have been designed in order to attract
child's
Fix the agreement mistake
children's
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 attention since it is inevitable that
children
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 are vulnerable to control themselves so as to not waste their
time
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 on these advancements.
As a consequence
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,
children
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 may suffer several health and mental issues. Research shows that youngsters who use smartphones for long hours, are more irritable and may face obesity. In conclusion, I strongly believe that parents should
advocate
Verb problem
encourage
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 their
children
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 to spend their spare
time
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 on these
activities
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 that are skill-developing.

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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph clearly presents and supports a single main idea, with clear topic sentences and consistent development.
task achievement
Expand your ideas further and provide additional examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
coherence
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation, particularly in complex sentences, to improve clarity.
task achievement
Well-defined stance on the issue, clearly stating agreement with the idea that leisure activities should be educational.
task achievement
Good use of examples to illustrate points, such as Messi's experience, adding interest to the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activities
  • educational value
  • life experiences
  • curiosity
  • critical thinking
  • social development
  • emotional development
  • teamwork
  • creativity
  • physical health
  • well-rounded personality
  • balance
  • recreational activities
  • stress relief
  • mental health
  • inspire
  • love for learning
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