IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The number of people who are obese is increasing these days. There are a few people who suggest that fast good prices should be increased, I partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 suggestion. On the one hand, the increase in the price of fast food will help reduce the number of consumers. Buyers feel that spending a lot of money on fattening dishes will not be worth it. It not only helps
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 customers but
also
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 increases
tax increasing
Wrong verb form
taxes
show examples
. Since
then
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, the state has more budget to improve more health-related problems
On the other hand
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, there are people who do
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 absorb and still have to pay high fees that
shows
Change the verb form
show
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 unfairness.
Moreover
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, there are more and more other reasons for weight gain
such
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 as
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
exercise
Wrong verb form
exercising
show examples
, my own physicality,..In
short
Add a comma
short,
show examples
 we need to rethink
this
Linking Words
 issue

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main opinion in the introduction. It helps the reader know your stance right away.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer connections between your ideas to improve the flow of your writing. Words like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'for example' can help with this.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check spelling and grammar. For example, 'fast good' should be 'fast food', and 'do not absorb' can be clearer as 'do not exercise'.
task achievement
You presented both sides of the argument, which shows that you understand different viewpoints.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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