IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say a person’s success in adult life is the result of the way they were brought up as a child by their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A section of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society thinks that the
success
Use synonyms
 of every person in adult
life
Use synonyms
 is mainly influenced by how they are raised by their
parents
Use synonyms
 during their childhood.
Although
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 are responsible for giving
education
Use synonyms
 opportunities to them, I contemplate that individual choices and other factors play a significant role in
success
Use synonyms
. Commencing with the most salient reason why
parents
Use synonyms
 play a role in the
success
Use synonyms
 of their
children
Use synonyms
 during adult
life
Use synonyms
 is that offering better
education
Use synonyms
 to their
children
Use synonyms
 often motivates a child's prospects.
For example
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 who give preference to
education
Use synonyms
 in
children
Use synonyms
's early
life
Use synonyms
 may lead to their
children
Use synonyms
 pursue tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 which
result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
 in enhancing tremendous job opportunities. Despite its given arguments, I believe that
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 factors
such
Linking Words
 as
hard-work
Correct your spelling
hard work
show examples
, personal motivation, and perseverance are crucial to
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
success
Use synonyms
. If a person
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 work hard and never
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 up
to achieve
Change preposition
on achieving
show examples
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
, he/she can become
Use synonyms
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 in their
life
Use synonyms
. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, Virat Kholi is a renowned cricket player and he got
name
Correct pronoun usage
his name
show examples
 and fame after devoting time.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some individuals
belongs
Change the verb form
belong
show examples
 to
middle
Add an article
the middle
show examples
 class and they face many obstacles to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 their goals. Through
determinaion
Correct your spelling
determination
, they achieve
success
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and they prove that
success
Use synonyms
 is not only a
products
Correct the article-noun agreement
product
show examples
 of parenting.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though providing
education
Use synonyms
 by
parents
Use synonyms
 is
curcial
Correct your spelling
crucial
 in
becoming
Verb problem
ensuring
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
success
Use synonyms
, I believe that other sectors
such
Linking Words
 as determination, hard work and many more play
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 important role in
adult's
Correct article usage
an adult's
show examples
success
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to develop your ideas further by providing more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of your essay by using clear topic sentences and linking phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
grammar and language usage
Check for grammatical errors and ensure that subject-verb agreement is consistent throughout your writing.
task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion on the topic, showing your awareness of multiple perspectives.
task achievement
The use of examples, like referencing Virat Kohli, adds some interest and helps to illustrate your point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • values
  • work ethic
  • interpersonal skills
  • educational opportunities
  • prioritize
  • emotional support
  • resilience
  • confidence
  • challenges
  • individual choices
  • external factors
  • personal motivation
  • societal influences
  • obstacles
  • determination
  • hard work
What to do next:
Look at other essays: