IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you thinks some people might not be happy to give up using cash

#future #people #shops #cash #payments #card #phones
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Nowadays, there are many
ways
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 for payment like
cash
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 or visa using some
apps
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 on your phone or using new
ways
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 like digital coins that may lead
people
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 in the near future to not
use
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cash
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 in their daily life payments. I think most
people
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 will
use
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 their
cards
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 or phones to pay, in
this
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 essay I will discuss these arguments. There are some arguments that
cards
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 and
apps
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 on smartphones will replace old
ways
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 of Payment
such
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 as
cash
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 because of these reasons,
firstly
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 it is easier to have a
card
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 than to have a wallet with a significant amount of money,
moreover
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,
cards
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 and smartphones are lighter.
Secondly
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, it is easy to cancel your
card
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 by calling your bank if something happens
for instance
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 you lose your
card
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 or it has been stolen,
that is
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 why having a
card
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 is better than using
cash
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 to buy your needs.
Although
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 Some elderly
people
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 do not think it is a good idea to replace
cash
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 with
cards
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 as they are afraid of being hacked by hackers
while
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 they are using it, especially in online stores,
moreover
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 it is hard for them to
use
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 digital
apps
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 to make payments using their phones some already have old phones and these digital
apps
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 need updates regularly for more safety. In conclusion, nowadays there are many different
ways
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 to pay.
While
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people
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 prefer to
use
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cards
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 and smartphones rather than
cash
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, some elderly do not support
this
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 idea, in my opinion, I think it is better to keep both
ways
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 in daily financial dialling.
Submitted by waleed.edu11 on

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task achievement
You have provided a clear position on the topic and supported your points with relevant reasons. However, providing more specific examples could further strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive response. For instance, you could discuss specific scenarios or provide statistical data to enhance your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs that effectively introduce, discuss, and conclude the main points. However, adding transition phrases between paragraphs could improve the flow and coherence of the essay. Additionally, try to avoid repetition of words and phrases for better variety in your writing.
general
Overall, the essay reads well with a clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that you proofread your work for small grammatical errors and inconsistencies, such as missing articles or slight awkward phrasing, to maintain smooth readability throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear and well-structured argument with a concise introduction and conclusion. This helps the reader understand your main points and follow your reasoning.
task achievement
You have provided relevant reasoning and details to support your main points, which demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively addresses the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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