IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Across the world, local shops are closing due to losing customers to online competitors. What problems does this produce? And what solutions can you suggest to overcome them?

Nowadays technology has a huge impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our life particularly in business. Online stores have surpassed local shops in sales
due to
Linking Words
 the ease and convenience of shopping. Local shops provide employment for a significant number of people, but their closure leads to rising unemployment, which in turn deprives these individuals of the ability to earn and spend.
In addition
Linking Words
, online shopping often requires customers to wait several days or even weeks to receive their orders.
For instance
Linking Words
, a product ordered from Amazon may take over seven days to arrive in our country, and occasionally,
due to
Linking Words
 shipping issues, items may arrive damaged or differ from what was expected. One potential solution is for local stores to adopt a hybrid model, combining physical and online operations.
This
Linking Words
 way, clients could both visit the boutique in person or make a digital order,
although
Linking Words
 the retailer continues to operate locally.
This
Linking Words
 would allow for faster delivery—no more than one hour—and make returns or exchanges much quicker and more practical. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 online vendors may outshine
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 shops in terms of sales,
this
Linking Words
 could lead to potential job cuts.
However
Linking Words
, the rise of e-commerce
also
Linking Words
 creates new employment opportunities, particularly for couriers and delivery personnel.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
overall
Linking Words
 joblessness rate could remain relatively low.

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task achievement
Elaborate more on the problems arising from the closure of local shops. Explore some of the potential broader economic impacts.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking phrases or transition sentences to improve the flow between ideas, making connections more clear.
task achievement
Consider including more specific examples or statistics relating to the impact of online shopping on local businesses to enhance the argument.
structure
Your introduction clearly sets the context of the issue, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments presented.
content
You provided a practical solution by suggesting a hybrid model for local shops, which shows critical thinking and problem-solving skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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