IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph below guves information on thr numbers of participants for different activities at one soical centre in Melbourne, Australia for thr period 2000 to 2020

The diagram illustrates key information about individuals choosing to take part in different activities at a specific
soical
Correct your spelling
social
 centre in Melbourne, Australia, within a 20-
year
Use synonyms
 period.
Overall
Linking Words
,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club records the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 throughout the given period,
whereas
Linking Words
 amateur dramatics seems to have the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of people in the
year
Use synonyms
 2020.
According to
Linking Words
 the line graph, in the
year
Use synonyms
 2000, the film club had a little under 70
participants
Use synonyms
,
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 remained steady throughout the 20-
year
Use synonyms
 period.
Additionally
Linking Words
, martial arts reached a peak in the
number
Use synonyms
 of people participating in the
year
Use synonyms
 2010, accounting for 40
participants
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, musical performances did not account for any
participants
Use synonyms
 until the
year
Use synonyms
 2005 when it had a steady increase since. Table tennis and amateur dramatics enrolled the same
number
Use synonyms
 of people in the
year
Use synonyms
 2010;
however
Linking Words
, amateur dramatics faced a dramatic decline afterwards, having a little under 10
participants
Use synonyms
 by 2020.
In contrast
Linking Words
, table tennis reached its peak, accounting for a little under 60
participants
Use synonyms
 in 2020.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more detailed summary of overall trends and comparisons, as this would enhance the completeness of your response.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly present the data mentioned, such as adding specific figures directly related to the trends you discuss (e.g., percentages or averages over the years).
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures a bit more to enhance readability and keep the reader engaged.
task achievement
You effectively summarize the key points and trends observed in the data, which demonstrates good understanding of the main themes.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and help to frame the content of the essay effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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