IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some countries are struggling with increasing crime rates. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some countries are struggling with increasing
crime
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 rates. Many
people
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 think having more
police
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 on the streets is the only way to reduce
crime
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. To what extent do you agree or disagree with
this
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 opinion? The increasing number of criminal acts is a crucial issue in some countries.
While
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 some
people
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 believe that the only way to reduce
crime
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 is to have more
police
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 on the streets, I disagree with
this
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 statement because there are many ways to reduce criminal cases more than just having more
police
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, which could burden government budgets. On the one hand, having more
police
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 on the streets may help
people
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 feel safe.
However
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, to decrease the
crime
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 rate,
this
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 approach would not be the best way because the number of
police
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 does not reflect the quality of services, and having more government authorities means that the budget spending for their wages has to increase.
For example
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, in Thailand, even in the city's heart, surrounded by many
police
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 stations, criminals can commit crimes easily.
On the other hand
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, there are various ways to decrease the criminal rate, including having strict laws and regulations and educating individuals in school curriculums. Harsh sentencing may deter offenders from committing crimes. To illustrate, in Singapore, heavy punishments are given to
people
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 who have a gun in public spaces, so we rarely hear about unlawful activities with firearms in
this
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 country.
Moreover
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, a lack of education is a contributing factor to criminal behaviours;
hence
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, good educational programs in schools may help individuals understand moral values, resulting in a reduction in the
crime
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 rate.
To sum up
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, I believe that to reduce criminal activities, the government should have strict laws and implement moral values in the educational system rather than increasing the number of
police
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.

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position, which is good. However, you could improve clarity by rephrasing 'which could burden government budgets' to specify that this is a downside of increasing police numbers, enhancing the logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
You have presented well-structured arguments, but consider adding a transitional phrase at the beginning of the second body paragraph to guide the reader better. For example, 'In addition to increasing police presence, there are alternative solutions to address crime effectively.'
task achievement
While you provided a relevant example from Singapore, including a bit more detail about how education specifically contributes to crime reduction would add depth to your argument. This will help support your main points more effectively.
content
Your essay has a clear viewpoint, and you’ve effectively countered the opposing argument by providing alternative solutions to crime reduction.
content
The use of examples from different countries enhances the credibility of your arguments and demonstrates your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackle crime
  • crime prevention
  • law enforcement
  • root causes
  • community involvement
  • cooperation
  • innovative technology
  • crime rates
  • social programs
  • education
  • employment
  • support
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