IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, a significant number of individuals travel from one country to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
 in order to enrich their knowledge about
other’s
Change noun form
other
show examples
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
. It is commonly believed that
traveling
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travelling
show examples
other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 nations might cause disputes among
countries
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. I disagree with the statement to some extent.
On the other hand
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, visiting other states rather than their own nation could be helpful to correct some false preconceptions. India and Pakistan,
for instance
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,
have
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do have
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 not
good
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a good
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 relationship with each other, but when Indian pilgrim travel
their
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to their
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 country especially
sikh
Correct your spelling
Sikhs
then
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 their way of treating them is really good which facilitates
to build
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building
show examples
Change preposition
of a
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a strong relationships
Correct the article-noun agreement
a strong relationship
strong relationships
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 between
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 nations.
Moreover
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, it aids
to enrich
Change preposition
in enriching
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 knowledge about other society’s
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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.
As a result
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, it leads
brotherhood
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to brotherhood
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 between
two
Correct article usage
the two
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countries
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.
On the other hand
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, sometimes
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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awareness
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of awareness
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 about other country’s
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
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 disputes.
For example
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, Iran has
Use synonyms
culture
Add an article
a culture
the culture
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 of
well-dressed
Add a missing verb
being well-dressed
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while
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 going outside;
however
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, some tourists don't understand their
culture
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 because they don't have
indepth
Correct your spelling
in-depth
in depth
 knowledge about it.
Consequently
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, the relationship between these
countries
Use synonyms
 and Iran become more acrimonious.
Furthermore
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, most of the time religious activities
also
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 weaken the relationship.
Such
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 as, in Sikh Temples, they cover their head properly but if any
traveler
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traveller
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go
Change the verb form
goes
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 there without covering
head
Correct pronoun usage
their head
his head
her head
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then
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 it means they
disrespecting
Wrong verb form
disrespect
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 Sikhism
so
Correct word choice
and
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 it can cause
of
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apply
show examples
War. In conclusion, I strongly believe that cross-border tourism is hugely
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
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 for promoting peace;
however
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,
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of awareness of the visiting nation’s
culture
Use synonyms
 or religion can cause tensions between two
countries
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Your essay needs a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that directly addresses the prompt. Make your stance on the issue more explicit.
coherence and cohesion
The second paragraph does not have a clearly defined topic sentence. Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear idea about what you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and could be simplified for clarity. Try breaking them down or restructuring to enhance readability.
positive
You provide relevant examples that illustrate your points, such as the relationship between India and Pakistan.
positive
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion on the issue, emphasizing the importance of awareness in tourism.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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