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Writing Samples
Band 5

Children and teenagers are committing more and more crimes in many countries. Why is this happening? How can we stop or at least reduce youth crime?

Nowadays,
children
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 and young adults are getting involved with illegal
actions
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 more than ever.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 irresponsible
families
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 and criminal
organizations
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. In
this
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 essay, the solutions including taking harsh measures against organized crime and supporting poor
families
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 will be explored. One of the main reasons why
children
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 are
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 in criminal activities is their family. Many parents are jobless or addicted to
drugs
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 or alcohol, which makes them so weak that they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 take care of their family members. In most cases, they push their
children
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 to provide
drugs
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 for them.
Thus
Linking Words
, gradually
children
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getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 involved in criminal
actions
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 and maybe join the criminal groups one day. Another reason is the rise of criminal
organizations
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. Because of
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
 money
turn over
Correct your spelling
turnover
show examples
 in selling
drugs
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 and addictive substances in many countries, individuals are joining
organizations
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 which distribute
drugs
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 to earn money. Since
children
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 and youngsters are less likely to attract police officer’s attention and
also
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 need to be paid less, they become a valuable target for cartels to sell
drugs
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 and other illegal products. The best way to reduce youngsters’ involvement in illegal
actions
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 is
taking
Change the verb form
to take
show examples
 tough measures against criminal
organizations
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. Since these cartels attract
children
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 to work for them, finding and
then
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 destroying them is very important. Governments should encourage parliaments to sanction harsh penalties for organized crimes to fight them. Another solution is supporting jobless and poor
families
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. In these
families
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,
children
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 are sent to provide money in any way, which in most cases results in being attracted to criminality.
Thus
Linking Words
, when these
families
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 get financial
helps
Change the wording
help
bits of help
show examples
 from governments, not only they would not encourage their
children
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 to work, but they will send them to college to study and have a bright future. In conclusion, many youngsters are getting involved in criminal
actions
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.
This
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 is mostly
due to
Linking Words
 having irresponsible parents and increasing criminal cartels. In order to decrease
children
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’s involvement, governments should financially help poor
families
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 and
also
Linking Words
 take harsh measures against any criminal
organizations
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.

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task achievement
Expand on the explanations of your reasons with more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-linked through coherent transitions so that the reader can follow your arguments easily.
content
The essay presents a clear perspective on the issue of youth crime and proposes relevant solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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