IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Technological development leads to lots of environmental issues. Some people think a simple life style can preserve environment while others argue that technology itself can solve it. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge of experience

In recent years, owing to the development of technologies there has been a significant impact on the environment
such
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 as increasing
pollution
Use synonyms
 and reduced natural sources. Some individuals argue that
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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uncomplicated living standards can help to preserve the forests
while
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 opponents oppose that the problem of logging the plants can be tackled by
technology
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both viewpoints and will explain why I personally believe that a balanced approach is best. On the one hand, people who state that
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
show examples
 lifestyle can help
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mitigate environmental issues, argue that simple living will reduce industrial waste and
pollution
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, opting simple lifestyle would reduce the market of factorial products, leading to
alleviate
Wrong verb form
alleviating
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 industrial sectors which produce carbon waste and release harmful gases in
Use synonyms
air
Add an article
the air
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.
As a result
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, the amount of waste produced by these industries will be reduced and the quality of
air
Use synonyms
 will improve.
Moreover
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, the population can reduce the usage of personal transports which cause
air
Use synonyms
pollution
Use synonyms
 and ozone depletion.
Consequently
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, the quality of
air
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 would be improved and there
will
Wrong verb form
would
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 be better living areas for citizens.
On the other hand
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, proponents state that the advancement of
technology
Use synonyms
 can
also
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 resolve the issue of environmental impact. No doubt, development in transport has caused serious environmental issues, it has
also
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 developed electric cars with zero usage of fuels. To illustrate, in many developed countries, electric vehicles are becoming common nowadays, these cars have resulted in reduced
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of
pollution
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 as these vehicles run on power causing eco-friendly transport.
Furthermore
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,
due to
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 the development of technologies, many nations are using renewable energies to produce electricity and
also
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 in producing organic crops.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 number of machines are established in order to monitor temperature and crops' health. In conclusion,
although
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 simple lifestyles can mitigate the impact of
technology
Use synonyms
while
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 it can not fulfil the desires of citizens
however
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technology
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 can cause extensive environmental problems.
According to
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 my perspective, there should be a balanced approach
of
Change preposition
to
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 both basic lifestyle and the use of
technology
Use synonyms
 appropriately.
Lastly
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, the environmental effects can be tackled by simple living with suitable use of developments.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your stance in a more structured manner. Consider rephrasing and clarifying your thesis statement to better reflect your opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your paragraphs. Ensure that each point naturally leads to the next to improve overall coherence. Adding signposting language can help guide the reader.
Task Achievement
Try to provide a broader range of specific examples and clarify your points further. Make sure your examples strongly relate back to the main argument you're presenting.
Positive Aspect
You've introduced both sides of the argument well and presented your opinion clearly in the conclusion. Good job on acknowledging both perspectives!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • technological development
  • environmental issues
  • sustainable practices
  • carbon footprint
  • renewable energy
  • electric vehicles
  • pollution
  • resource depletion
  • climate change
  • eco-friendly products
  • carbon capture
  • smart home systems
  • consumption reduction
  • waste minimization
  • balance of approaches
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