IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that children should have the freedom to make mistakes, whle others believe that adults should prevent them from making mistakes. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is an argument that many people consider
children
Use synonyms
 should have a huge space to make
mistakes
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 Several individuals figure that adults should protect them
to make
Change preposition
from making
show examples
mistakes
Use synonyms
. I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 should
children
Use synonyms
 have the freedom to make
mistakes
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both views and support my essay with examples.
To begin
Linking Words
, Making
mistakes
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a process of learning which leads
children
Use synonyms
 to learn about many things by
create
Change the form of the verb
creating
show examples
mistakes
Use synonyms
 meanwhile
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 If
children
Use synonyms
 do not
perform
Verb problem
make
show examples
mistakes
Use synonyms
, They might not develop fast
such
Linking Words
 as
children
Use synonyms
 when they first time ride a cycle that
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
mistakes
Use synonyms
 to learn how to ride cycle and make balance during
ride
Add an article
the ride
show examples
 cycle.
Also
Linking Words
, It is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our
children
Use synonyms
 if they
perform
Verb problem
make
show examples
mistakes
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to discover themselves,
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not fear
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
making
mistakes
Use synonyms
, Know
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 abilities and
bother
Wrong verb form
be bothered
show examples
 when they
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
mistakes
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, CCB has made an experiment about the best method for teaching
children
Use synonyms
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 CCB divided
children
Use synonyms
2
Change preposition
into 2
show examples
groups. The first group
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
mistakes
Use synonyms
 to learn
while
Linking Words
 the second group
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
avoided making
mistakes
Use synonyms
 anyway, The experiment
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 that
children
Use synonyms
 who
preformed
Verb problem
made
show examples
mistakes
Use synonyms
 have higher
expert
Replace the word
expertise
show examples
 and Skills than
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 group.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Parents should look after their
children
Use synonyms
 especially when their
children
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
make
show examples
 an important
Use synonyms
dicision
Correct your spelling
decision
might
Correct pronoun usage
that might
show examples
have
Verb problem
cause
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
high damage, If
their
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
choose
Verb problem
make
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong
Use synonyms
dicision
Correct your spelling
decision
such
Linking Words
 as
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
their friends and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a girlfriend or what they eat
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 need to advise adults because they have enough experience to dicided a convenient
dicision
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 should have a space to make
mistakes
Use synonyms
 but, We should have
limted
Correct your spelling
limited
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
freedom
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 important
Use synonyms
dicision
Correct your spelling
decision
decisions
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Clarify your opinion in the introduction more explicitly. Instead of saying 'I agree with should children have the freedom to make mistakes,' use clearer phrasing like 'I believe that children should indeed have the freedom to make mistakes.'
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and clarity. For example, 'by create mistakes' should be 'by making mistakes.'
coherence and cohesion
Add transitional phrases to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs, such as 'Furthermore,' or 'In addition,' to create better connections between your ideas.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a strong approach to this type of essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your use of examples, such as the cycling analogy and the CCB experiment, helps to illustrate your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • resilience
  • adaptability
  • consequences
  • well-being
  • societal norms
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • intervention
  • role models
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: