IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is more useful for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some would argue that television is skilful for learning,
while
Linking Words
 others believe it is much more handy for fun.
While
Linking Words
 that
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
lot of
entertainment
Use synonyms
 from a
TV
Use synonyms
, I believe that it is better for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
 purpose. On the one hand, nowadays people have many options
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 watching
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
entertainment
Use synonyms
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
 generation, people can access
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the internet for more
entertainment
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 before.
For instance
Linking Words
, researchers showed that people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
watch
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
show examples
Change preposition
of differents
show examples
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
Use synonyms
channel
Fix the agreement mistake
channels
show examples
 at the same time;
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 watching a series
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Netflix
while
Linking Words
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
watching a sport
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
Kayo
Correct article usage
the Kayo
show examples
channel
Use synonyms
 at the same time to bring
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
maximum satisfaction.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that
TV
Use synonyms
 is really useful for
education
Use synonyms
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 many
Use synonyms
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
Use synonyms
channel
Change to a plural noun
channels
show examples
 as much as the
entertainment
Use synonyms
channel
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
TV
Use synonyms
 that we can use for learning.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is often argued that television is an important way of spreading knowledge and
education
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to provide a clearer structure to your essay with distinct paragraphs that separate your points clearly. Each paragraph should contain a main idea, supporting details, and a concluding sentence.
task achievement
Make sure to include a concluding paragraph that summarizes your argument and clearly states your opinion on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Aim to use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion in the introduction, which is a good practice for essay writing.
task achievement
Your use of examples like Netflix and Kayo demonstrates an understanding of the topic and adds relevance to your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational programs
  • informative documentaries
  • interactive learning
  • entertaining content
  • reality shows
  • cartoons
  • intellectual development
  • parental guidance
  • screen time
  • creative thinking
  • educational potential
What to do next:
Look at other essays: