IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that urban spaces should be used for parks rather than for housing. Discus both sides and give your opinion

While
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 some believe that it is better to arrange urban zones as recreational spaces for leisure, others claim that those places should be built up densely. In my opinion, it is essential for modern megalopolises to combine both - islands of green coolness and functional housing for living. On the one hand, in the
nowaday
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nowadays
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 condition of
rapid
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the rapid
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 growth of world population, it has become a necessity to build more and invent alternative ways of human mass settlement all around the world.
Moreover
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,
todays’
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today’s
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 reality transformed the style of living greatly, reducing the biggest part of our lives, like lovely walks in the parks and picnics with friends outside to the work-sleep-work model, in which there is no time and no need
in
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for
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 green areas.
On the other hand
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, the optimal amount of green urban spaces affects the well-being of
towns
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town
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 residents positively as trees planted in order to form areas produce oxygen and ozone as well.
Additionally
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, parks and other recreational areas create a unique environment for
humans’
Fix the agreement mistake
human’
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 leisure. It is scientifically approved that diverse ways of resting
,
Correct word choice
and, opportunity
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opportunity
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the opportunity
an opportunity
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 to change settings from time to time and contemplate nature
improves
Correct subject-verb agreement
improve
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 emotional state as impactful as enhances the urban landscape.
Finally
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, in my opinion, the growing amount of housing
urban
Change preposition
in urban
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 spaces
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
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on
Change preposition
apply
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the quantity of accommodation places making it possible to provide a roof over the heads of an enormous number of people,
while
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 having preferences towards increasing the green zones in megapolis influence on residents quality of life. In conclusion, every modern megapolis which claims to be at the forefront should find the balance between both quantitative and qualitative factors of human life in order to get closer to the utopian dream of building
the
Correct article usage
a
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 healthy society in the healthy environment of the “city of the future”.

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task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors, such as in 'nowaday condition' (should be 'nowadays') and 'todays’ reality' (should be 'today's reality'). These small errors could detract from the overall impression of your writing.
task achievement
Consider adding a specific example or two to strengthen your argument, especially in the part discussing the benefits of green spaces. For instance, you could reference studies or statistics related to mental health benefits of parks.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction presents a clear thesis, but ensure that your points are consistently connected to this thesis throughout the essay. It would help if you reiterated your main argument in the conclusion more explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
While your essay is generally logically structured, make sure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to your overall argument. This helps guide the reader through your points more effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument before giving your opinion, which demonstrates critical thinking.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion provide a strong framework for your essay, clearly presenting your viewpoint and summary of the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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