IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Music play an important role in society, others think it is simply a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of
music
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 has increased dramatically, and there
were
Wrong verb form
is
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 a lot of discussions regarding
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 it plays an important
rule
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role
show examples
 or is it just
an
Correct article usage
apply
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entertainment and in
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
essay
eassay
Add a comma
eassay,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will discuss both views and conclude
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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with my opinion. In terms of
music
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 being a huge part of
society
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i
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I
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 would say that it is possible that it
affect
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affects
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society
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 in different ways, in the sense
of
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apply
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that the kind of
music
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 you listen
is
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to is
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 the
way
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 you live,
music
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 affects our
day
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 in a lot of ways, if you start the
day
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 by listening to a cheery
music
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 your
day
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 will 100% be much better, and if you continueslly listen to sad
music
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 it will ruin your mood and your
day
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. The other point of view, where people sees
music
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 as
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
entertainment is because
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people
ot
Correct your spelling
not
 used to
listen
Wrong verb form
listening
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 to
music
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in
Change preposition
at
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 concerts
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc so that's why
the
Correct your spelling
they
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perview
Correct your spelling
purview
preview
 it in that
way
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
music
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 is just for fun,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can't see it making a different impact on individuals in any
way
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,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 a small part of your
day
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 and a lot of people don't listen to it daily so in what
way
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 will it affect
society
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 ? for
me
Add a comma
me,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 view
music
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 as a fun activity where you cheer yourself up and
then
Linking Words
 live your
day
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 after it normally. in conclusion,
music
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 can help you be happy and change your
day
Use synonyms
 in a small
way
Use synonyms
, but it doesn't play a role in
society
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
The introduction is clear, but try to avoid grammatical errors such as 'wether' instead of 'whether'. Make sure to explain both perspectives in detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improving paragraph transitions could enhance the overall flow of your essay. Consider using linking phrases to make connections between your ideas more explicit.
Task Achievement
Supporting your claims with more specific examples from personal experiences or widely recognized instances would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
The essay presents clear opinions and arguments on both sides of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some insight into how music affects mood showcases personal reflection, which is a strong point in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural tool
  • shared identity
  • cognitive development
  • creativity
  • mental health
  • music therapy
  • chronic pain
  • entertainment value
  • personal escape
  • cultural background
What to do next:
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