Music play an important role in society, others think it is simply a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days
number
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the number
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of
music
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has increased dramatically, and there
were
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is
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a lot of discussions regarding
wether
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whether
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it plays an important
rule
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role
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or is it just
an
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apply
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entertainment and in
this
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essay
eassay
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eassay,
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i
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I
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will discuss both views and conclude
it
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apply
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with my opinion. In terms of
music
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being a huge part of
society
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i
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I
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would say that it is possible that it
affect
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affects
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society
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in different ways, in the sense
of
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apply
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that the kind of
music
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you listen
is
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to is
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the
way
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you live,
music
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affects our
day
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in a lot of ways, if you start the
day
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by listening to a cheery
music
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your
day
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will 100% be much better, and if you continueslly listen to sad
music
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it will ruin your mood and your
day
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. The other point of view, where people sees
music
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as
an
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apply
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entertainment is because
that
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apply
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people
ot
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not
used to
listen
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listening
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to
music
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in
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at
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concerts
and
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apply
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etc so that's why
the
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they
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perview
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purview
preview
it in that
way
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. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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i
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I
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believe that
music
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is just for fun,
i
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I
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can't see it making a different impact on individuals in any
way
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,
its
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it's
it is
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a small part of your
day
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and a lot of people don't listen to it daily so in what
way
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will it affect
society
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? for
me
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me,
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i
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I
show examples
view
music
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as a fun activity where you cheer yourself up and
then
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live your
day
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after it normally. in conclusion,
music
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can help you be happy and change your
day
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in a small
way
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, but it doesn't play a role in
society
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.

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Task Achievement
The introduction is clear, but try to avoid grammatical errors such as 'wether' instead of 'whether'. Make sure to explain both perspectives in detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improving paragraph transitions could enhance the overall flow of your essay. Consider using linking phrases to make connections between your ideas more explicit.
Task Achievement
Supporting your claims with more specific examples from personal experiences or widely recognized instances would strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
The essay presents clear opinions and arguments on both sides of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some insight into how music affects mood showcases personal reflection, which is a strong point in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural tool
  • shared identity
  • cognitive development
  • creativity
  • mental health
  • music therapy
  • chronic pain
  • entertainment value
  • personal escape
  • cultural background
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