IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Knowledge is a burden rather than a benefit. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

As is often said, our residence is a prerequisite and substantial, having a great influence on human beings, other than culinary culture and clothing.
While
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 it is undeniable that the
countryside
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 can offer a close-knit community among neighbours and healthier lives at a relaxing pace,
city
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life
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also
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 provides various benefits, e.g. diverse culture, better education, or advanced medical services. Admitting that there is always the other side of the coin, the answer varies from person to person depending on the value systems. All in all, I believe the former, despite the merits of the latter, is better for two reasons as follows.
First,
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urban
life
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 allows us to access first-class academic institutions.
In other words
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, almost all the top-tier universities are located in cities all over the world. My personal experience is a clear example; When I was a student, I left the
countryside
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, my hometown, to
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 in a high-graded university in the
city
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 of Tokyo. If I had continued staying in the rural area, I could not have acquired sophisticated educational courses and passed the rigorous bar exam.
Second,
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city
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life
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 enables us to encounter diverse cultures to make our lives mentally content. To illustrate, citizens have opportunities to broaden their horizons, enjoying cultural or social activities in not only museums or libraries but
also
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 theatres or conventional halls.
As a result
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, people living in cities are often inspired to refine their sense of cultural spirit, which results in mindfulness.
On the other hand
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,
such
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 opportunities would not be found in the
countryside
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. That said, as a
further
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 consideration, it’s not exactly an ambivalent question, rather the crux of
this
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 question statement is which option is better largely depends on each person’s
life
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 stage and the like.
For instance
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, parents hoping for their children to receive advanced education may prefer to reside in
city
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 areas,
while
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 older generations may choose to live in the
countryside
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 for their peaceful lives after retirement. In conclusion, I reckon that urban
life
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 is a better option for those seeking educational and cultural advancements.
However
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, it ultimately depends on individual preferences and circumstances.

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task achievement
Consider developing your main points further to provide more depth and explanation. For instance, while you have explained the benefits of city life, adding more specific examples or statistics could strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction to guide the reader. A more explicit thesis statement would enhance the clarity of your argument from the beginning.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples from personal experience, which add credibility to your arguments and enhance engagement.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good structure, with clear paragraphs that each contain a main idea and supporting details, which is crucial for coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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