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Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activites at one social centre in melbourne, australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activites at one social centre in melbourne, australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
The graph above illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of participants
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different activities at a social centre in
Melbounrne
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 in the
period
Use synonyms
 of 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the activity of
film
Correct article usage
the film
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 club reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 notable figure compared to other activities
as well as
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
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significantly
Change the adverb
significant
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 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 table tennis
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
. As for table tennis activity, it
initially
Linking Words
 started at just 16 members in 2000,
however
Linking Words
, the figure grew up constantly and
peak
Wrong verb form
peaked
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 at 52 participants in 2020.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the number of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
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 for amateur dramatics went down remarkably from 2005 to 2020,
although
Linking Words
 it had a slight rise in the first 5 years. When it comes to martial arts and musical performance, we can see the unusual of the figures.
First,
Linking Words
the
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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participated
Correct pronoun usage
who participated
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 in martial arts had
its
Change the word
a
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 slight fluctuation throughout the whole
period
Use synonyms
 but it returned to the same as initial figures.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the musical performance had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 later appearance in comparison with other activities but always increased in the entire
period
Use synonyms
 and got 16 members. Eventually, there
had
Verb problem
was
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 a fluctuation in the number of participants for
Film
Correct article usage
the Film
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club
Capitalize word
Club
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 from 2000 to 2020 when it reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
64
participant
Change to a plural noun
participants
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 at first and
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
Correct article usage
a slightly
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slightly
Change the word
slight
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increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 66 members in 2020.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
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