IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are best at or they are most interested in. To what extent do you agree?

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Some people believe that it would be better if adolescents focused on the
subjects
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 they are most keen on,
whereas
Linking Words
 others reckon that
students
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 have to concentrate on every subject. In my opinion,
teenagers
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 ought to dedicate their time to all
subjects
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 equally, since it allows them to be versatile and educated in every field.
Moreover
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,
teenagers
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 are known for their excessive emotions and changing moods, so if they study only particular
subjects
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 it can turn into a problem when they are willing to change their educational direction.
Firstly
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, the modern and globalized world requires knowledge from almost every field. Average
students
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 after school should have basic knowledge of math, history, languages, biology and geography. Without proper knowledge in each of the school
subjects
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,
students
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 might face problems in the future especially in the workplace or at the universities. Being an educated and versatile
student
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 is no more an option, but an obligation.
Therefore
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, focusing on all school
subjects
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 allows
students
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 to be competitive persons who are prepared for the challenges of the modern world.
Secondly
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,
teenagers
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' decision-making and desires are usually unstable, and allowing them to choose what kind of fields they want to study will cause problems in the long term.
For instance
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,
student
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 "A" is good at math,
however
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, his preferences
change
Wrong verb form
changed
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 in two years, and now he wants to apply for a history major at the university. In
this
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 scenario, if
student
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 "A" learnt only math, he would face hardships in terms of changing the direction.
However
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, in the status quo,
student
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 "A" dedicated equal time and put enough effort into both
subjects
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,
therefore
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 he successfully
implements
Wrong verb form
implemented
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 his wishes into reality. In conclusion,
students
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 focus on all
subjects
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 are more prepared for the competition in the future since they are more educated and versatile.
Also
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,
teenagers
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 might wish to change their field of study, and focusing on a particular subject might bring challenges in the future, especially when adolescents
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
enrol at universities.

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Task Achievement
To strengthen the argument, provide additional specific examples or data that support the idea of studying all subjects. This will help to illustrate how being versatile in different fields benefits students.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Even though the essay is logically structured, some transitions could be made more seamless to guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Task Achievement
Consider countering the argument with potential downsides of studying all subjects, and then refute them, to demonstrate critical thinking and a balanced perspective.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a strong and relevant argument, making a solid case for why students should focus on all subjects rather than a select few.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is commendable. Each point builds on the previous one, reinforcing your main thesis.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize and close your argument, providing a clear stance on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • versatile skill set
  • personal development
  • future career opportunities
  • identify strengths
  • satisfying career
  • successful career
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • academic burnout
  • diverse curriculum
  • learning experience
  • engaging and stimulating
  • solid grounding
  • well-rounded individuals
  • diverse conversations
  • different perspectives
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