IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Doing an enjoyable activity with a child can develop better skills and imagination than reading. To what extent do you agree? Use reasons and specific examples to explain your answer.

With kids
Change preposition
Kids
show examples
 make enjoyable ways to enhance their skills rather than reading. I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 believe that the fun method
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 teaching much easier for children, because they
are get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 bored
easlily
Correct your spelling
easily
 and they memorize it faster.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally agrees
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
 and will
illustare
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 the reasons, Clarify my viewpoint.
Firstly
Linking Words
, In
general
Add a comma
general,
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 children lose their interest easily because they are restless and Difficult to attract their attention. That
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fun education is
demand
Change preposition
in demand
show examples
 for people who
less
Add a missing verb
are less
show examples
 than 10 years old. The top
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 is
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
 they like going to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 without
makeing
Correct your spelling
making
hard
Correct pronoun usage
it hard
show examples
 with their parents every morning,
Linking Words
additionally
Add a comma
additionally,
show examples
 the
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 can build
the strongeth
Correct word choice
strong
show examples
 skills
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a young
eage
Correct your spelling
age
.
For example
Linking Words
, A teacher
tranfored
Correct your spelling
transformed
 their students from
shy
Correct article usage
a shy
show examples
 class to the
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
 full vitality
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 improved
the
Change the word
their
show examples
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
 skills, They
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
became connected with each other.
Secondly
Linking Words
, The studies have proven that
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
memorizing what you learned
belong
Change the verb form
belongs
show examples
 to the way how you save it.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 child has a fast mind to memorize will be not fair to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional education as reading might not provide enough knowledge.
Activties
Correct your spelling
Activities
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 Arts, Music, and sports can the young students express themselves much more.
Moreover
Linking Words
, They
exploration
Replace the word
explore
show examples
 a lot of hobbies that will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
create
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own
concept
Fix the agreement mistake
concepts
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Comparison
Change preposition
in Comparison
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 two
differents
Correct your spelling
different
show examples
 kids one
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
Correct article usage
a traditaional
show examples
traditaional
Correct your spelling
traditional
 education without
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fun
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all school levels, And the other child has
diffrence
Replace the word
a different
show examples
 style in
whol
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
teaching levels creative ways in subjects
also
Linking Words
 in
recceiving
Correct your spelling
receiving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information. The
baise
Correct your spelling
base
 will
determen
Correct your spelling
determine
 his career in future. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, From my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creativty
Correct your spelling
creativity
 always wins
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Correct article usage
a tradtional
show examples
tradtional
Correct your spelling
traditional
 way in all fields
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 in
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
, Or
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 environment and the young children prove
this
Linking Words
 theory.

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coherence and cohesion
Consider revising your introduction to clearly outline your stance and main points. Currently, it feels a bit unclear and could benefit from clearer phrasing and structure.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have a clear main idea and supporting details. Some sentences are a bit disorganized and would be more effective if they followed a logical progression.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your work for spelling and grammatical errors, as these can disrupt the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples that are clearly related to the points you are making rather than general statements, as this will help to illustrate your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly present your conclusions and ensure they summarize the main points you made in the essay, reinforcing your position.
task achievement
You present a clear perspective in your argument about the importance of enjoyable activities in child development.
task achievement
You demonstrate an understanding of the topic and the relevance of your points to the discussion about education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • engaging
  • imaginative play
  • hands-on experience
  • social skills
  • problem-solving
  • creative expression
  • cooperation
  • solitary
  • practical application
  • retention
  • cognitive development
  • interactive learning
  • exploration
  • emotional intelligence
  • critical thinking
What to do next:
Look at other essays: