IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think secondary student to study international news as one of their subjects. Other people say this is a waste of valuable school time

In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, everyone should be updated about world
information
Use synonyms
. Several people assume global updates should be one of the high school
students
Use synonyms
’ subjects. The rest of the people believe it is wasting
students
Use synonyms
' valuable school time.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are a lot of topics about global
news
Use synonyms
 that would improve
students
Use synonyms
' skills,
such
Linking Words
 as environmental issues, technology development and politics.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 would be creative, their critical thinking and reading skills would increase.
For instance
Linking Words
, know how to maintain the environment, create a new technology and learn a new language.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
besides
Linking Words
 the positive effect of studying international
information
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 subject would be wasting
students
Use synonyms
’ valuable time in school.
As a result
Linking Words
 of the globalization of technology, especially for spreading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
Use synonyms
, not every piece of
information
Use synonyms
 is good for
students
Use synonyms
.
In Addition
Linking Words
,
for example
Linking Words
, bad culture or bad
news
Use synonyms
 would have negative effects on
students
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 subject will be
such
Linking Words
 a waste for
students
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, learning global
information
Use synonyms
 is not the only way to improve
students
Use synonyms
’ skills, like creating a new experiment, or reading a history, it would be better and more productive for
students
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
students
Use synonyms
 still need to be updated about international
news
Use synonyms
, because it would have a good impact on their lives and studies.
However
Linking Words
, adding global
news
Use synonyms
 as one of their subjects is not a good idea, because there is much knowledge
that is
Linking Words
 more important to learn than only updated
news
Use synonyms
, like history or doing some experiments, they do not waste their time and are more productive than only reading updated
news
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider rephrasing the thesis statement to clearly present both sides of the argument. For example, clarify that you will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of including international news as a subject.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or details to support your arguments. Instead of general statements, use precise instances or studies to illustrate your points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs and ideas. While some transitions are present, adding phrases can help guide the reader through your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with phrasing; for instance, ‘bad culture or bad news’ could be better expressed to demonstrate a wider awareness of the potential effects of negative news on students.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of the topic, highlighting both the potential benefits and drawbacks of studying international news.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear, with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs discussing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion summarizing your view.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: