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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people fail in school, but end upp being succesfull in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?

A few individuals struggle in
school
Use synonyms
 but later achieve great success in life. The essay will discuss,
firstly
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, the reason for it, as the majority of these people have talents, and
then
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, things that are most significant to succeed in life,
such
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 as emotional intelligence and determination.
To begin
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 with, one important reason why some humans who have difficulty in
school
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 become successful is that they have special talents that are not always noticed and developed in regular
school
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 environments.
That is
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 to say, abilities
such
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 as singing, dancing,
drawing
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and drawing
show examples
,
moreover
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, the ability to work and play in a team are often needed in real life, where these skills are more important than academic achievements.
For example
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, the most popular and successful footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo, was never good in
academy
Add an article
the academy
show examples
, and in high
school
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, he even threw a chair at a teacher, which led to his expulsion. He
then
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 pursued his passion for football, which eventually made him worth over a billion dollars.
On the other hand
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,
in addition
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 to natural talent, personal qualities like determination and emotional intelligence are key to success. So humans who can recover from setbacks, stay motivated and face challenges with a positive attitude are more likely to succeed.
For instance
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, a show from the popular blogger Egor "50 Haters,"
Change preposition
to where
show examples
where
Correct word choice
which
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 singer and blogger Amina Tenderlabae was invited, shows her responding to the questions of her critics in a very fair and honest manner. Despite the inappropriate and rude questions, she handled them with self-irony and remained motivated, which gave viewers a boost of inspiration.
As a result
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, the video gained 10 million views, and her follower count increased by 800,000 people. In conclusion,
while
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 academic performance may not always determine success, natural talents, and personal qualities like determination and emotional intelligence play a significant role in achieving one's goals.

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introduction
Your introduction is clear and outlines the main points of your essay well. However, it could benefit from a more engaging opening statement to grab the reader's attention.
supporting ideas
The use of examples is good, but make sure to connect them directly back to your main points explicitly, as this could strengthen your argument. For instance, explain how Cristiano Ronaldo's story illustrates the importance of pursuing passions.
conclusion
The conclusion summarizes your points effectively, but consider reiterating the significance of these traits in a more compelling way. Perhaps suggest that these qualities can help anyone, regardless of their academic background, achieve success in life.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task, presenting relevant arguments that highlight the importance of both talents and personal qualities in achieving success.
supporting ideas
The examples you used are relatable and illustrate your points well, particularly the anecdotes about Cristiano Ronaldo and Amina Tenderlabae, which add interest to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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