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Band 7

Nowadays, many families move overseas for job opportunities. Some people think this is beneficial for the children of these families, while others think children will find it difficult. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#families #move #job #opportunities #people #children
Globalisation has enabled an easier movement of goods, services and
people
 across borders and
people
 moving abroad with their families looking for work opportunities have increased in
the
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recent years.
Children
 in the family are usually the most affected by
this
 decision. It is believed by some
people
 to be beneficial for them
while
 others look at it as a great problem for the
children
. In
this
 essay, we will discuss both sides of the argument and provide an opinion as well. Looking at the advantages of
this
,
children
 would receive high-quality education in
the
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foreign schools which they would not be able to get in their home country, especially, if they were born in a third-world nation.
Furthermore
, as these little ones are in their growing stage, they would be able to assimilate into the foreign culture easily
while
 their adult counterparts would find the same difficult.
Lastly
, arriving in a foreign country at an early age will shape their future in a good way. By the time they reach adulthood, they would have that country's citizenship and citizens enjoy various benefits like cheaper college tuition fees which the foreign-born students do not.
On the other hand
, some
people
 are of the view that
children
 find it the most difficult to
move
 abroad with their families. It is
due to
 the fact that a child's brain is very sensitive and a sudden change in environment, language, culture etc. might affect their brain in a negative way. It might
also
 be hard for a little child to suddenly leave their school where they have lots of friends and
move
 to a totally new place where they will have to make relations with other pupils of various distinct cultures.
To conclude
, it can be said that it is both beneficial and a problem for
children
 of the families who
move
 abroad.
However
, the benefits of
this
move
 outweigh their negative effects in my opinion.
Submitted by komalverma271999 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, provide more specific examples to support the points made. This will add depth to your arguments and help make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking words and phrases can guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear logical structure with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections. This makes it easy to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully introduced and concluded your essay, framing the discussion well. This gives your essay a complete and rounded feel.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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