IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes. Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development?

Today,the prevalence of fashionable
clothes
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
plays
show examples
necessary
Correct article usage
a necessary
show examples
 role in human life. Some thoughts link positive aspects
such
Linking Words
 as
creativity
Use synonyms
 and self-esteem,
while
Linking Words
 other ideas
emphasizes
Change the verb form
emphasize
show examples
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 sides of wearing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
stylish
clothes
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as high usage of textiles and waste of money.
Although
Linking Words
 it has vast advantages,
this
Linking Words
 essay will describe that negative improvement outweighs positive development. In
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the first argument,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 fashionable
clothes
Use synonyms
 try to demonstrate
creativity
Use synonyms
 and self-esteem in front of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Because most people prefer to judge a person
due to
Linking Words
 his wear.
Hence
Linking Words
,everyone
purchase
Change the verb form
purchases
show examples
 more trendy goods rather than simple preferences. It leads to
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of
creativity
Use synonyms
 as a field around the world.
However
Linking Words
,it does not bring only imagination
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
clothes
Use synonyms
,it
also
Linking Words
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 to high level of
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
 and
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
value to
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the population. A human who wears trendy
clothes
Use synonyms
,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 supposes that his appearance is better than everyone. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
,based on
Vogue
Correct article usage
the Vogue
show examples
 journal,a person who uses
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fashionable
clothes
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as valuable bags and shoes,his satisfaction level increases
approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
show examples
 20%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,wearing stylish
clothes
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some big negative impacts;costs and demand
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 textiles for both companies and people. Strong demand for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trendy attire requires a lot of equipment and
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
, organizations try to attract more
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 to industry and workers
expose
Wrong verb form
are exposed
show examples
 to excessive production time.
Additionally
Linking Words
,consumers who prefer to buy fashionable
clothes
Use synonyms
 suffer from waste of money. Because they do not consider their budget and want to purchase everything immediately.
Combination
Correct article usage
The combination
show examples
 of high demand for
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 and financial loss
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
 people’s welfare.
According to
Linking Words
 The Ministry of Economy of Azerbaijan Republic,the population spent 40% of their budget to redundant wearing
clothes
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 t-shirt with various colours. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 stylish attires bring consequences for inhabitants. Some of them appreciate
creativity
Use synonyms
 and self-esteem as
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others think that it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more production in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
textiles and less consumption
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 important needs. l absolutely agree that negative results outweigh positive aspects.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction could benefit from a more concise statement of your position, explicitly stating whether you believe this trend is positive or negative and briefly outlining your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Revise your paragraphs to ensure that each one focuses on a single main idea, with clear topic sentences that guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the overall fluency and coherence of your writing.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples to support your arguments, which is essential in Task 2.
coherence and cohesion
The essay addresses both sides of the argument before concluding, which reflects a balanced view on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: