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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the number of foreign students in Canada between 2000 and 2030

The bar chart shows the number of foreign students in Canada between 2000 and 2030
The graph demonstrates the population who come from foreign countries to
Canada
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 for education between 2000-2030 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can observe that
year
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 by
year
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 a measure of foreign
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 is increasing in
Canada
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. Especially, the biggest proportion of foreign
students
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 is from
China
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, after
China
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,
India
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 comes.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
2000s
Change the article
the 2000s
show examples
, about 25000
students
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 got
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 from
China
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, but
amount
Correct article usage
the amount
show examples
 from
India
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,
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Usa
Correct your spelling
USA
 and
France
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 was highly low level in
Canada
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.
Then
Linking Words
, in
2010s
Change the article
the 2010s
show examples
, the measure of Chinas
students
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 was above 25000 and had reached about 50000.
They
Correct pronoun usage
There
show examples
 were
also
Linking Words
improvement
Fix the agreement mistake
improvements
show examples
 from
France
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 and
India
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 in
2010s
Change the article
the 2010s
show examples
, but it was too low level again. Neither country could not reach 25000. It showed that there were big differences between these nations. The most important point is about the
USA
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. Because there were decreasing in those years. These algorithms continue in
2020s
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the 2020s
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 and 2030s.
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China
Change noun form
China's
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 student population will pass 750000, Indians will pass 50000
students
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.
And we
Correct word choice
We
show examples
 can notice that there are huge enlargement
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
India
Use synonyms
 in
2020s
Change the article
the 2020s
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there will be enhancement from
France
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 in those years, but
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USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not break tradition. They will be diminishing again in
2020s
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the 2020s
show examples
-2030s. In conclusion, they are more demand from
China
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 and
India
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 for education in
Canada
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. In
Use synonyms
France
Add a comma
France,
show examples
students
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 prefer less, but
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 increases
year
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 by
year
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
USA
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 population do not prefer to study in
Canada
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 and the number of them is decreasing
year
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 by
year
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, year, students, china, india, usa, france with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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