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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the percentage of households owning four types of electronic devices between 1995 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart illustrates the percentage of households that owned four different types of electronic devices; mp2 player, mobile
phone
Use synonyms
,
computer
Use synonyms
 and, tablet between 1995 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
,
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
, mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
,
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and,
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
 increased significantly meanwhile mp3
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 saw far less surge over the whole
period
Use synonyms
. The
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
both
Change preposition
for both
show examples
 mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 started and finished at the same level in 1995 and 2015 respectively. In detail, mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 and
computer
Use synonyms
 was owned around 10 % at the start of the
period
Use synonyms
, in 1995.
Then
Linking Words
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
owning
Replace the word
ownership
show examples
 increased significantly and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
70 % in 2000 and started to mark a noticeable surge in the following years and finished the
period
Use synonyms
 with around 95 %.
Moreover
Linking Words
, computers witnessed a great demand in households and increased from approximately 25 % to 60 % between 2000 and 2005. Moving on
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 statistics for tablets,
this
Linking Words
 electronic device started to be owned just between 2000 and 2005 year,
then
Linking Words
 rose sharply in 2010
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 65
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
followed by the same gradual increase until the end of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, mp3 players increased steadily over the
period
Use synonyms
 and ended up around 20 % owning in the houses.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words phone, computer, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "surge" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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