IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many argue that computers have become more of an obstacle than an aid today, while others believe that it has become a crucial part of their both personal and professional lives. discuss both views and give your opinion

An
Correct article usage
The
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 introduction of
computers
Use synonyms
 in the
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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 lives of modern human beings has become a major reason behind the drastic change in their lifestyles. Lots of people consider
computers
Use synonyms
 as a hindrance but others are grateful to have them in their houses and at workplaces. I believe that
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
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 is a very useful tool which makes various difficult tasks simpler and
efficient
Correct quantifier usage
more efficient
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. I will be discussing both statements
along with
Linking Words
 my personal opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. To start with, people who refer
Use synonyms
computers
Change preposition
to computers
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a
Correct your spelling
as
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problem creating
Add a hyphen
problem-creating
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device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
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 are usually those who do not use them for their daily life routine stuff. They tend to get things done manually
from
Change preposition
for
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 a very long time and they do not feel the need to make any kind of changes in their habits.
Secondly
Linking Words
, individuals who are not aware of how to run applications on them
such
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 as older generations end up struggling to make their proper use. In
this
Linking Words
 case, they find them a barrier and label them as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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problem creating
Add a hyphen
problem-creating
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 devices.
Also
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, the
small scale
Add a hyphen
small-scale
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 companies which are unable to provide
computers
Use synonyms
 to their workers
due to
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 their cost prices consider them an obligation as they are forced to do so to fit into the
faced paced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
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 working environments. On the flip side,
mutinational coorporations
Correct your spelling
multinational corporations
 see them
like
Change preposition
as
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 a blessing as they can work with less
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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manual labour with more efficiency and affordability. For the busier times, the
computors
Correct your spelling
computers
show examples
 are better and faster choice
due to
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 less room for an error. Higher authorities prefer relying on them
instead
Linking Words
 of the
old school
Add a hyphen
old-school
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 calculations. Moving forward, they are a vital source of entertainment, event organising and managing personal information. They are very trustworthy when it comes to
finshing
Correct your spelling
finishing
 our to-do lists. In conclusion, I would say that any product that we rely on should be used in a balanced proportion. Human beings need to maintain
a healthy boundaries
Correct the article-noun agreement
healthy boundaries
a healthy boundary
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 between using them for basic necessities and an encouraging source of criminal activities. We should not use them to the limit where
dependancy
Correct your spelling
dependence
 on them could become an addiction.

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Task Achievement
The essay presents both views on the topic and states a clear opinion. However, enhancing the depth of argumentation and providing more specific examples can strengthen the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is generally clear but could be improved by using clearer topic sentences in each paragraph. Additionally, smoother transitions between ideas will enhance the flow of the essay.
Grammar and Vocabulary
There are some grammatical errors and misspellings (e.g., 'coorporations', 'computors', 'finshing', 'dependancy') that can distract the reader. Proofreading for spelling and grammar would improve clarity and professionalism in writing.
Task Achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and states a personal opinion, setting a good foundation for the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
The discussion of both perspectives is balanced, showing an understanding of the complexities of the issue.
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