IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You have recently moved to another city but your bank has your old address and continues to send all the communication there. Write a letter to your bank Branch. In this letter mention: -Where you have moved? -What problem are you facing regarding the bank's communication? -What do you want them to do regarding old communication already sent to the wrong address

To whom it may concern, My name is Mary, and I hold a savings account at your branch. I am writing to inform you that I have recently moved to Vancouver, but unfortunately, my bank correspondence is still being sent to my previous
address
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, I am facing privacy concerns since my former roommate informed me that she has been receiving my bank statements.
This
Linking Words
 not only compromises the confidentiality of my personal financial information but
also
Linking Words
 causes inconvenience in managing my account.
Therefore
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, I kindly request you to update my contact details in your records. My new
address
Use synonyms
 is XXX, and the postal code is XXX.
In addition
Linking Words
, I would appreciate it if you could advise me on how to retrieve or reissue any important documents that might have been sent to the wrong
address
Use synonyms
. Thank you for your attention to
this
Linking Words
 matter. I look forward to your prompt response and confirmation of the
address
Use synonyms
 update. Warm regards, Mary

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific details about your old address to ensure any documents sent there can be identified properly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures to enhance the overall flow of your writing.
suitably writing tone
Your letter maintains a polite and formal tone, which is appropriate for a bank communication.
complete response
You effectively identify the issue and request action clearly, making it easy for the reader to understand your needs.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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