In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In many
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
pupils are interested in buying a house rather than renting one. Because they have some prestige
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
among the relations, who has a great economy and I believe that it is a negative thing because they will have lots of trouble
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
a
home
Use synonyms
by spending a large amount on it.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people have self-respect within the relations, because they will estimate you by the properties and assets you have. Many humans will take to the person with eligibility, did there have some value to
spoke
Change the form of the verb
speaking
show examples
with him.
For example
Linking Words
, many pupils are from mid-class families and they have a minimal number of assets, if they need to speak with a rich person, who has a huge amount in his bank, they will not obey him. If
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
need to buy a house, and he is from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
mid-class
Correct your spelling
middle-class
show examples
family they need to invest huge money in a
home
Use synonyms
, and for
this
Linking Words
, they depend on banks for
home
Use synonyms
loans.
Then
Linking Words
they will face lots of financial problems, which they couldn't make monthly instalments.
For instance
Linking Words
, Many people in
this
Linking Words
world depend on some type of loan, which does not come under their salary bounders and suffer to repay the bills. To avoid
this
Linking Words
type of problem, we can stay in rental homes or apartments with a peaceful life. In conclusion, mankind always likes a costly life like purchasing a
home
Use synonyms
rather than a lease because of people, who live around them with some point of view.
Then
Linking Words
it will put more pressure on the owner, who bought the house on loan.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer in presenting the overall argument of the essay. Consider stating your main points and beliefs more explicitly at the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs need clearer topic sentences that explicitly relate to the main question. This can help guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrases that could be improved upon for clarity and fluidity. Proofreading for these issues would be beneficial.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples that support your points. While you have examples, they could be deeper to strengthen your arguments further.
task achievement
You have addressed the task directly by discussing the importance of home ownership and its implications.
task achievement
You present a clear opinion about the issue, which is important for the task.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
What to do next:
Look at other essays: