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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
Two bar charts illustrate
students
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 who graduated and were postgraduates and who did not go on to a full-time job after leaving college in the year
of
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apply
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2008, in the United Kingdom.
Overall
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the provided data, it can be observed that the destination of UK graduates, excluding full-time worked ones, in the specified year(2008), the greatest
number
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 of graduate individuals was among the four different categories in the
further
Linking Words
 study section.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the least one was for
voluntary
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the voluntary
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endeavor
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endeavour
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. In the second bar chart, almost two categories performed the highest, which were part-time
work
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 and
further
Linking Words
 studies. Again, the least
number
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 of postgraduate goes to the voluntary
work
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 among the other categories.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of graduated
students
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, preference for
further
Linking Words
 study, with almost 30.000
students
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. Part-time
work
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 and unemployed
students
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 followed similar scores with 17.735 and 16.235
students
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 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the voluntary job is not as high as others, with only 3.500 graduate
students
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 given.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of post-graduate
students
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,
further
Linking Words
 study with 2.725
number
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 of
students
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 were there.
This
Linking Words
 time, part-time
work
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 performed a little more than the unemployment category, with 2.535.
Whereas
Linking Words
, unemployment of 1.625
students
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 was reported in 2008. The
last
Linking Words
 category was in voluntary
work
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, with only 345 post-graduate
students
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 given.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, number, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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