IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many young people do not know how to manage their money when graduating high school. What do you think are the reasons? What can be done to teach them this important skill?

Many Youngsters face difficulty to manage their
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finance
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finances
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 after
graducating
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graduating
 from high
school
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because they do not learn about budgeting in
school
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, and there are some measures
can
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that can
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 be taken to teach them
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finance related
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finance-related
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 skills. The key reason is that
schools
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 do not include
finance
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 education in
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school
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the school
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 curriculum. Teachers emphasise
on
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apply
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academic subjects rather than basic budgeting concepts. Most students graduate without knowing how to manage
budget
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a budget
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, save
money
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, and terms of loans or credit.
As a result
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, they are unprepared to face
real- world
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real-world
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 responsibilities.
In addition
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, over-reliance on
parents
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 or
olders
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elders
holders
older
 for
money
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 can lead to
lack
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a lack
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 of financial education.
Parents
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 may avoid
to discuss
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discussing
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 financial matters with their children and it reduces knowledge of
finance
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 management skills among
young
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the young
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 generation. To address
this
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 issue,
schools
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 and
parents
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 play a crucial role in shaping
future
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the future
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 of young people.
Schools
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 should introduce practical
finance
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 literacy courses in
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school
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the school
show examples
 curriculum. Teachers should tell them
importance
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the importance
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 of saving
money
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 for
future
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the future
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 and make it interesting by showing real-life examples.
Moreover
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,
Parents
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 should encourage them to save and manage
money
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. They can set some targets for their children by giving them
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a samll
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samll
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small
 amount of
money
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. In conclusion, youngsters find
difficult
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it difficult
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 to manage and save
money
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due to
Linking Words
lack
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a lack
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 of financial education and knowledge at both
school
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 and home.
Schools
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 and
parents
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 should take some steps to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next. Ensure transitions between sentences and paragraphs improve overall coherence.
task achievement
Expand on key points with more specific examples or anecdotes in order to support your arguments more effectively. This will enhance the depth and clarity of your ideas.
content
You have identified relevant reasons for the lack of financial literacy among young people.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial literacy
  • real-world applications
  • consumer culture
  • credit facilities
  • financial independence
  • practical financial literacy
  • manage finances
  • financial responsibility
  • money management
  • financial planning
  • tailored
  • accessible
What to do next:
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