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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram illustrates the process of producing honey in small-scale commercial type.

The diagram illustrates the process of producing honey in small-scale commercial type.
The diagram illustrates the
process
Use synonyms
 of producing
honey
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 in small-scale commercial type. The production requires two main stages:
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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 formation of raw
honey
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 and the human-driven commodification
process
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. The initial
process
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 depends on the bee’s
behavior
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behaviour
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 and the features of the flower,
while
Linking Words
 manual
labor
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labour
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 and machinery are
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
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 production tools in the second stage.
Honey
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initially
Linking Words
 appears in the form of nectar, which is the thing that
bee
Fix the agreement mistake
bees
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 will collect and bring into
beehive
Correct article usage
the beehive
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 as a food source for winter. These natural workers will later try to dry their collected raw
honey
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 by flapping their wings. After that, cells will constantly checked to be clean, which is the necessary condition for the bee to seal them with wax. After a sufficient amount of time,
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honey combs
Correct your spelling
honeycombs
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 will be gathered, preparing for the human-made production
process
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.
Laborer
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Labourer
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 will press these combs in order to extract the liquid
honey
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.
This
Linking Words
 liquid will later be poured into a 45 to 50 degrees Celsius heated sump tank,
then
Linking Words
 directed to the sieve tank for removing waste material and settled there in about 2 or 4 days. The final products will be packed in jars and transported to
honey
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 sellers
as
Change preposition
at
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 the end of the
process
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 of producing
honey
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.

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, honey with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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