IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain a high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree

There is no doubt that
,
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apply
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 these days, several supermarket items
such
Linking Words
 as food and drink are made with high
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of sugar that
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
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as
Change preposition
apply
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an unhealthy products
Correct the article-noun agreement
an unhealthy product
unhealthy products
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.
However
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, it is commonly believed that these outputs should be more expensive to stop consuming them.
This
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 article completely agrees with
this
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 suggestion. In
this
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 essay, both points of view will be discussed. On the one hand, It is frequently thought that the modern markets are
provided
Wrong verb form
providing
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 numerous goods which have negative effects on human health Because it is cheaper than healthy products with special
flavors
Change the spelling
flavours
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 that motivate people to
buying
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buy
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 them.
As a result
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, it will affect their health in the next years.
For example
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, provided statistics by Harvard University showed the percentages of damaged people because of sugary goods in Canada in 2022. The result was about 600,000 who got some disease and medical situations in only one year. Highlighting the disadvantages of the overconsumption of these items.
Furthermore
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, it is argued by many that
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
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 the prices of sugary outputs is the primary solution to limit
this
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 overconsumption.
In addition
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, it is essential to offer
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of
free-suger
Correct your spelling
free-sugar
 options in public markets because about over 85% of choices there are unhealthy.
Consequently
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, it is
suitable
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a suitable
the suitable
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 solution to push society to consume less sugar
To sum up
Linking Words
, increasing the prices of these products is a great method that
lead
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leads
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 to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumption because
the
Change preposition
of the
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 great number of disadvantages of these foods. At the same time, it is important to offer healthy alternatives.

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task achievement
Make sure to develop your ideas further, providing more detailed explanations and examples to support your points. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure proper punctuation and grammar to improve the overall readability of your essay. Pay attention to singular and plural forms as well as sentence structure for better coherence.
task achievement
When introducing evidence or statistics, be clear about how they directly support your argument and ensure that they are well integrated into your writing.
task achievement
The essay clearly states a position (agreement with making sugary products more expensive) and outlines both sides of the argument, which is a good approach to task response.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and indicates that both points of view will be discussed, which aids in establishing context.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
What to do next:
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