IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. Do you agree or disagree?

These days, having a good bank account plays a significant role in
people
Use synonyms
's lives, especially for young
people
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
individuals
Use synonyms
 should spend their
money
Use synonyms
 on their dreams, some believe that having enough
money
Use synonyms
 ensures you
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
have a better lifestyle. I agree with those who are interested in collecting
money
Use synonyms
 for their future. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine both perspectives and provide evidence to support my viewpoint.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
individuals
Use synonyms
 have to live without saving
money
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they have to pursue their dreams
such
Linking Words
 as purchasing a luxurious car, an impressive apartment, travelling around the world, and pleasure activities.
For instance
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent study from Harvard shows that more than 50% of
individuals
Use synonyms
 living with lower
money
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some think that
individuals
Use synonyms
 have to cut their costs and strike a balance between expenditures and savings.
In other words
Linking Words
, issues can be tackled by
money
Use synonyms
 easily, and saving
money
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been taught to young adults to guarantee their future.
In addition
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, some
money
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be allocated to their health insurance.
For example
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, they have seen those who spend all their
money
Use synonyms
so
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the government
help
Fix the infinitive
to help
show examples
 them.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are not satisfied
about
Change the preposition
with
show examples
 their life. Taking into account the arguments presented above, the following conclusion can be drawn:
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is not worth saving
money
Use synonyms
 , others think about their pension when they cannot work. I strongly believe that young
people
Use synonyms
 should save
money
Use synonyms
 for
well-being
Correct pronoun usage
their well-being
show examples
 and mental health.

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task achievement
Expand on your points with more specific examples or details to strengthen your argument.
coherence
Ensure that your ideas flow logically from one to another, utilizing appropriate linking words or phrases to enhance readability.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main points and support each with relevant evidence, as this will help to create a stronger argument overall.
task achievement
You made a clear personal stance on the topic, indicating your agreement with the importance of saving money.
coherence
Your introduction effectively presents the topic and outlines your intention to discuss both perspectives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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