IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

Needless to say, some people firmly argue that
children
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 must spend their free
time
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 on educational
activities
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,
such
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 as chess, reading books, and so on. They think that if
children
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 do not do so, they absolutely waste their
time
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. I completely disagree with
this
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 tendency.
One
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 of the most considerable issues is that spending
time
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 only on educational
activities
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 leads to some psychological and physical challenges, and it may have some detrimental impacts on
children
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's future lives.
One
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 of the primary psychological problems is
asocialization
Correct your spelling
socialization
a socialization
; it is evident that adolescents need to spend their
time
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 with their peers to improve their communication skills, and if they are only busy with
education
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 or
this
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 type of thing, they can suffer from social issues.
Moreover
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, when adolescents spend their leisure
time
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 merely on educational
activities
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, it does not impact only psychology; it
also
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 has some bad effects on their physical
health
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,
such
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 as obesity.
That is
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 to say,
this
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 sedentary lifestyle may become a vitally essential
health
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 problem for them. It is obvious that these
children
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's bodies are more prone to getting obese because they do not move enough during the day. They get
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education
Add an article
an education
show examples
 at school by sitting in
one
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 place, and they continue to stay in
one
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 place to learn new knowledge. It is hard to say that educational
activities
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 are totally harmful, but entertainment and
education
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 should be balanced for the free
time
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 of young people. I think that
children
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's leisure
activities
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 should demand movement, so young adults escape getting
health
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 issues. In conclusion,
however
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,
education
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 is
one
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 of the most vital aspects of
children
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's lives, but
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure
time
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activities
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 should not be absolutely based on
education
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. Free
time
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 is
also
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 for entertainment;
furthermore
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,
children
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 can escape some challenges based on
health
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing a more balanced view by mentioning potential benefits of educational activities in the introduction or conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
There are minor grammatical and expression issues that could be refined, such as 'asocialization' which should be 'asociality'.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that outlines its main idea. This will help improve coherence in your essay.
task achievement
Your argument against the notion that leisure should be purely educational is clearly stated and well supported with examples.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally sound, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • leisure activities
  • educational value
  • life experiences
  • curiosity
  • critical thinking
  • social development
  • emotional development
  • teamwork
  • creativity
  • physical health
  • well-rounded personality
  • balance
  • recreational activities
  • stress relief
  • mental health
  • inspire
  • love for learning
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