These days young children spend a lot of time using computers, tablet and smartphones. Some people think that introducing children to technology at a young age is beneficial. Others believe that they would benefit more from traditional games. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge and experience.

The present age is the era of
technology
Use synonyms
and innovation and everything becoming advanced day by day,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
computers,
tablet
Fix the agreement mistake
tablets
show examples
and smartphones. In
this
Linking Words
technological
revolution
Add a comma
revolution,
show examples
some people think that introducing
children
Use synonyms
to
technology
Use synonyms
at a
yound
Correct your spelling
young
age is beneficial.
On the other hand
Linking Words
plathora
Correct your spelling
plethora
of people in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
favour that
children
Use synonyms
would benefit more
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
traditional games. The community who support
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
introducing
technology
Use synonyms
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
at a young age is beneficial
have
Add the particle
to have
show examples
their own
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
. On the online
platform
Add a comma
platform,
show examples
there are various websites which are providing better education as compared to the schools.
A various
Correct article usage
Various
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
parents confirmed that their
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
progresses
Correct subject-verb agreement
progress
show examples
in studies has
beed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased, because what their kids
find
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
difficult and boring earlier with the help of
technology
Use synonyms
learning with joy.Currently, every nation of the world is paying attention to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
STEM, so
instead
Linking Words
of keeping
children
Use synonyms
away from
technology
Use synonyms
, we should help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
how to use
technology
Use synonyms
effectively. There are
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
of
famlies
Correct your spelling
families
with
idea
Correct article usage
the idea
show examples
that traditional games could bring more benefits to their youngsters. When
children
Use synonyms
are playing they learn how to share things with each other, how to tolerate, how to support and how to be a team, which a computer never be able to
taught
Change the verb
teach
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, using
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
mcuh
Correct your spelling
many
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
or
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
them
technology
Use synonyms
dependent and their analytical abilities are decreasing. Not only that health issues like weak eye vision, less physical strength and less
apetitie
Correct your spelling
appetite
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
should learn how to use
technology
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because keeping them away is similar to dragging them
behinde
Correct your spelling
behind
. The only need is family should keep an eye on how their child is using
technology
Use synonyms
and for how long.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to enhance your introduction by clearly stating your position on the topic. You can also give a brief outline of what you will discuss in your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs have a clear focus. Each paragraph should ideally begin with a topic sentence that outlines what the paragraph will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the grammatical and spelling errors to improve the clarity of your writing, such as 'younger age' instead of 'yound age', and 'plethora' instead of 'plathora'.
task achievement
You have provided reasons for both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples, especially the mention of STEM and the benefits traditional games can bring to social skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: