IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You would like to reduce your working hours in order to study part time. Write a letter to your boss. In your letter • explain why you want to reduce your working hours • say which hours you would like to work • describe how your part-time studies would benefit your employer

Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to request a temporary alteration in my work schedule
,
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apply
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 so that I can attend a part-time course in order to update my knowledge of the latest innovations related to my field of work. In light of the introduction of AI models that can be configured per each corporation’s requirement to
further
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 enhance their employees’ performance, I would like to enrol in Microsoft’s latest machine learning and AI agent configuration course. Which will be held on Mondays and Wednesdays from 8 to 11, for two months. It goes without saying that our company akin to any other tech business will not only benefit from utilizing Artificial intelligence in our line of work
,
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 but could
also
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 implement
this
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 entity in expanding our field and eventually profits. Per the aforementioned schedule, I would like to reduce my working hours and clock in on Mondays and Wednesdays at 12 PM, after the classes for the next two months, starting April 1st.
Nevertheless
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, as the head of the IT department, I will later be able to conduct my knowledge
to
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with
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 my other colleagues. I am looking forward to your response and I will be available if
further
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 discussion about my request is required. Yours faithfully, Anita Rasouli

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coherence and cohesion
Consider restructuring the second paragraph to improve clarity and flow. A more straightforward sentence construction could enhance the understanding of your request.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs focus on single ideas more clearly. For example, try to separate the explanation of why you want to study and how this will benefit the company into distinct sections.
task achievement
While your tone is generally appropriate, a more formal approach in certain areas could further enhance the professionalism of your letter.
task achievement
You clearly articulate your purpose for requesting a reduction in working hours, which aligns well with the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
The letter maintains a polite tone and proper format throughout, which is commendable.
task achievement
Your idea of benefiting the employer by sharing knowledge demonstrates foresight and a collaborative spirit, which is a strong point.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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