IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In most of the countries all over the world, provincial residents are moving to cities, causing a decrease in the number of
population
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the detrimental
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on both
city
Correct article usage
the city
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 and
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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. In recent years,
people
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 who lived in towns started to move out to capitals, seeking out a better life situation.
However
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,
this
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 has caused unprecedented problems one of
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is traffic. Capitals now
is
Change the verb form
are
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 extremely overwhelmed with cars ,
besides
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 harmful effect on the environment,
people
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 are still moving in, which means it's only getting worse.
For instance
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, in Saudi Arabia, the capital Riyadh is witnessing a dramatic
population
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 increase, which led
to
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apply
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that one drive to your work could take more than an hour and a half, based on recent studies.
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Countryside
Add an article
The countryside
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 is what provides the market with organic goods. When pastoral humans move out, leaving behind
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
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,
this
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 will cause a shortage in the farm market, which will affect us all.
Nevertheless
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, city houses nowadays predominantly cost a lot of money to buy a rent, all
due to
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 the increased numbers of humans moving in.
Instead
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 of
people
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 moving out to look for better opportunities, governments should address
this
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 issue by providing towns
their
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with their
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 needs in order to make a balance in
population
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 residence. Based on everything that has been stated so far, traffic problems in cities and the decline in organics in
market
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the market
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 caused by rural
people
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 moving to capitals, making a decrease in the
population
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 in
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countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 can be solved by building formal facilities in towns by
government
Correct article usage
the government
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.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains clear main points that are consistently developed. Try to improve the structure of your arguments to make your logic clearer.
task achievement
Clarify your examples and explanations. Ensure that they fully support your main points. Expanding on specific examples with more detail would enhance your arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents both positive and negative aspects of rural-urban migration, which shows a balanced approach.
task achievement
The use of a relevant example from Saudi Arabia adds depth to your argument about urban issues caused by migration.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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