IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe the purpose of prison is to punish, while others would argue that the rehabilitation is its primary role. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 people
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
 that the main purpose of
prison
Use synonyms
 is
punishment
Use synonyms
on the other hand
Linking Words
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 those who
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that the
Use synonyms
prison
Change noun form
prison's
show examples
 most important role is to repair .
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and
also
Linking Words
 my opinion . It's known
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that
prison
Use synonyms
 is where every criminal gets what they deserve after the court decides what's the right thing to do with him.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of humans have faith in the
punishment
Use synonyms
 given to the prisoner since they believe that
this
Linking Words
 is what
prison
Use synonyms
supposed
Add a missing verb
is supposed
show examples
 to be about, which is
punishment
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, when a person steals something and
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 to
prison
Use synonyms
 for a specific amount of time, 35% of individuals in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 see that as
punishment
Use synonyms
 in their latest research.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, seeing
prison
Use synonyms
 as the place to reform those who have wronged is what other people believe to be. Rehab is to help an individual in need to be better as a human in every possible way. In my point of view,
prison
Use synonyms
 is there for both.
For instance
Linking Words
, if someone
beat
Wrong verb form
beats
show examples
 another or
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
 one of his rights as a human, they would go to
prison
Use synonyms
 for a period of time in order to repair them. But if one killed another soul, they would have a death sentence as a
punishment
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their crime. It really depends on the action that was made to say is it a place of
punishment
Use synonyms
 or rehab. In conclusion, people believe differently on what is the purpose of the
prison
Use synonyms
. Some say it is to punish
while
Linking Words
 others say it is to repair. I believe that it could be both
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on what is the crime.

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grammar
Try to use correct subject-verb agreements and articles. For example, instead of 'There is people believe...' use 'There are people who believe...'.
coherence
Make sure to clearly separate your points and provide smooth transitions between them. This will help with the overall flow of your argument.
task achievement
Add more supporting examples or explanations for your main points to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness. For instance, elaborate on the rehabilitation methods used in prisons.
coherence
Ensure that your opinion is presented clearly in a distinct part of your essay, ideally in a dedicated paragraph.
content
Your introduction sets the stage for discussing different views on the purpose of prison and signals your intention to give your opinion, which is a good start.
content
You provide a balanced view in your essay by acknowledging both perspectives, which is a positive approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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