IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Would you prefer to live in a traditional house or in a modern apartment building? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice.

Nowadays, people choose to occupy conventional buildings rather than new buildings like modern
Use synonyms
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
. Both of them have their own beneficial sides but after the effect of
Correct article usage
the corona
show examples
corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
,
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
 economy has worsened and people
start
Wrong verb form
have started
show examples
 to make decisions based on their limited
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
. There are various reasons for choosing
traditional
Add an article
a traditional
the traditional
show examples
 house, first of
all
Add the comma(s)
all,
show examples
 the budget causes. When they want to rent or buy a house, their main concern is the money. They eliminate the modern buildings from other residency options
since
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their prices. In my preferences, I would like to stay newly built residence. Since I am an introverted person, I don’t like to contact
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people much and I really value my own personal space. When you live in a traditional house, you are more likely to engage with individuals
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
because you get to see your family or your
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, new apartments are more secure
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 earthquakes because of the durable construction materials that
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
 with technology. Since I am living in Turkiye, which is an ‘earthquake zone’ , choosing a resistant
apartment
Use synonyms
 is vital to me. Even though,
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
apartment
Use synonyms
 costs more to rent, the items in the
apartment
Use synonyms
 are brand-new so they do not cause any malfunctions.
And at
Correct word choice
At
show examples
 the same time, they have more opportunities for everyone in new residences like
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
, lots of playgrounds for kids, supermarkets, cafes and restaurants. You don’t have to drive everywhere.
To sum up
Linking Words
, traditional houses
are representing
Wrong verb form
represent
show examples
 our past culture, I believe the comfort, safety, and convenience of modern apartments make them a better choice for contemporary life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer by explicitly stating your preference for modern apartments over traditional houses. This would provide a better roadmap for your essay.
coherence and cohesion
In the conclusion, rephrase your main argument more directly to reinforce your preference and summarize key reasons succinctly.
task achievement
Expand on your points about the security of modern apartments. Providing specific examples or studies on earthquake safety could strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to maintain consistent tense throughout the essay. It might help to keep a clear narrative and avoid mixing present and past.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and reasons for preferring modern apartments, which is a strong foundation for task achievement.
task achievement
You included specific details about the advantages of modern apartments, showing a personal connection to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: