IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

‏Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. ‏To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It's argued that the vibration of sounds can bond
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 from different backgrounds and generations.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely disagrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement for many reasons like how individuals engage with sounds and the meaning of the song is diverse.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 view tune differently from others based on their life experiences and challenges. When someone goes through a break
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
certain songs might trigger emotions like sadness. So society can relate to common human emotions and understand each other.
For example
Linking Words
, a study published
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 New York University said that 68% of
crowd
Add an article
the crowd
a crowd
show examples
 listening to singing are able to sympathize with
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 more than others.
Second,
Linking Words
a wide range of age groups love different types of songs and that's based on the things they grow up with like a specific memory.
Additionally
Linking Words
,the music choice depends on what genre you were born in and what was popular in your high school .
For instance
Linking Words
, folk who were born in the 80s like melody that kids who were born in the 2000s might think it's boring and not that thriving. In conclusion,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 have a variety of tastes in music that might not align with others.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think certain music may not be the best for some but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
 it can be someone's favourite.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. This helps clarify your argument for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between your points by using more linking words and phrases (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'In addition'). This will strengthen the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Consider providing more relevant examples to support your claims, as this can enhance the overall quality of your arguments. For instance, you could mention specific songs that resonate with different age groups.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion against the statement, which is a good start for task achievement.
task achievement
The use of personal examples, such as differences in music preference by age, is a strength in your argument and contributes to the overall depth of the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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