IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The tradition of families getting together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts?

It is thought that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional cultures
such
Linking Words
 as eating together among family members are fading out. Since technology and overworking have taken a huge part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation, many negative influences have been
appear
Change the verb form
appearing
appeared
show examples
. There are several reasons
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the above. The main one is increasing using technology at unprecedented rates. Nowadays, many individuals isolate themselves at home by spending most of their spare
time
Use synonyms
 on social media, and they make contact with their families and relatives
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
appes
Correct your spelling
apps
such
Linking Words
 as
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
 and Viber. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, they do not go and see each
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 face-to-face and have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
dinner as they used to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. In
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
last
Correct your spelling
past
show examples
 centuries, before occupying our lives
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 gadgets, families spent most of their
time
Use synonyms
 together when they were free. Another reason is that the demand for money today
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
 significantly increased
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
capitalism
Replace the word
capitalist
show examples
 world. Many households work for longer hours in order to have
high-income
Correct your spelling
high income
show examples
 to purchase
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
luxury cars, go on vacation,
mimic
Correct word choice
and mimic
show examples
celebrites
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 by doing plastic surgeries.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to see their families and spend
time
Use synonyms
 together.
This
Linking Words
 situation has affected
people
Use synonyms
 dreadfully, senior citizens
in particular
Linking Words
. The first
Correct your spelling
harmful
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 impact is that eroding
this
Linking Words
 cultural family tradition may influence
people
Use synonyms
's mental health and self-esteem
negativelly
Correct your spelling
negatively
. When a person spends most of their
time
Use synonyms
 alone, they may face many mental problems
such
Linking Words
 as depression and anxiety. Research
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 shown that those who are more social are more happier. The second impact is that when
people
Use synonyms
 today visit
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
Use synonyms
fewer
Correct quantifier usage
less
show examples
 as they need more closeness than the young
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
, they may
also
Linking Words
 suffer many health issues. In conclusion, many reasons are caused
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
disappearing
Correct article usage
the disappearing
show examples
 eating together tradition and
this
Linking Words
 condition may affect
people
Use synonyms
's mental health.

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language
Use more precise and varied vocabulary to express your ideas more clearly. For example, instead of 'dinner as they used to be', consider rephrasing to 'dinner as they traditionally did'.
structure
Enhance the organization of your ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence that supports the overall argument. Make sure to clearly separate reasons and impacts for better clarity.
content
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your claims, such as statistics on family meals or studies on mental health related to social isolation.
language
Make sure the sentence structures are varied to maintain reader interest. Avoid repetitive structures and explore different ways to convey your thoughts.
content
The essay addresses both the reasons and impacts of the disappearing family meal tradition, which shows a good understanding of the task.
structure
Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion and introduces the topic clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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